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Hygenic assistant
a plastic bag with a semi-solid ring for assistance with catching, with a supply of toilet paper | |
In battle situations where troops are pinned down by
enemy
fire, sometimes for days, hygiene is all but ignored. I'm
not
talking about putting your gun down and brushing your
teeth
(or attaching your toothrush, like a bayonet, to your
muzzle,
and idea that lasted only as long as it took
to come up
with
it). I'm talking about troops having to defacate while
lying
down, because if they get up, they might get shot. This
idea
is basically a small stick, stuck down the back of your
pants,
with a small bag for catching feces. A solid ring helps
hold
the bag rigidly open, and a wad of toilet paper with a
sterilizing solution on the end of the stick wipes
suffiently
enough to keep the soldier clean. Once done with his
business, he tosses the bag and gets back to his task at
hand.
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Annotation:
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On a bit of a roll today, eh [twitch]? |
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yeah i know.. had to get them out of my system.
And this fetish about my buttocks. |
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So basically, it's a bedpan on a stick? |
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I've never heard something plastic to be called a
pan, but if its a flexible disposable pan that included
sterilizing wipes, then.. yes! |
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aw crap! (no pun intended), I added 15 ideas.. an
odd number!! although.. 15 = 3 x 5, and 3 + 5 = 8, or
2 cubed. so i'm good! |
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This is the best we got for our military? First of all,
we need details about how the bag is disposed of.
I
mean, does it seal airtight? Just a bunch of shit
bags?
Why not include a urination port as well? And a
parachute and a capsule that can be used to shoot
the auto igniting crap bags into enemy territory. |
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And, remember [twitch], two twos good three
twos bad! Or something like that ... I don't know I
was never a witch. |
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This is Baked by NASA for a number of space missions. |
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You've a whole sackful of ideas, haven't you,
[twitch]. |
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Can they somehow be turned into weapons?
{poop gernades}? |
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//this might just about put anyone off sausages for
life...// |
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It's working for me already. |
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//something creative with an elasticated fitting and a load
of sausage skin// |
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[morrison] - you are on the threshold of a brilliant idea! |
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Surely, it would not be so very difficult to devise some
sort of suppository-cum-long-condom which, when
appropriately inserted before going into a combat
situation, would perform the necessary encasement on a
continuous and ad-hoc basis? |
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There would be no need to cut-and-seal; the whole thing
could be left in situ, providing much-needed bodily
warmth, until either the end of the suppository-cum-long-
condom is reached (oopsie), or situations change and allow
for convenient disposal. (This idea may be compatible
with the famous "tails for all"...) |
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// on a continuous and ad-hoc basis? // |
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Subject only to the limitations of trouser leg length ... |
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Utterly, utterly disgusting and horrible, [MB], you should be ashamed of yourself. |
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//[morrison] - you are on the threshold of a brilliant
idea! // |
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A threshold over which Max has just driven an army
tank, dragging some sort of sausage from one of his
trouser legs. |
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I'm never eating black pudding again. |
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Urine is sterile, no need to bag that. Poo, I repeat,
POO is not good to be sitting around in your pants!
Were those astronauts lying down? I think they
might have been floating. |
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Your mother tells us it never seemed to bother you
when you were a kid, [twitch]. |
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Hey! Those were genuine accidents, okay? And yes, I
minded! |
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Freud would have got several books out of this thread ... |
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//I'm never eating black pudding again.// |
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[infidel] Up until now you were *enjoying* 'black
pudding'? Like licorice...or pine tar pudding?!? |
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//Urine is sterile, no need to bag that.// |
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Hmm...I wonder why we even bother with urinals?
Just let the urine go wherever it wants to
go...makes sense, as [IanTindale] would say. |
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Yeah, tell that to my wife.. she's always getting on
me for pissing in the bathtub! |
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Eurrgh [Marked-For-Excretion] |
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//Yeah, tell that to my wife.. she's always getting on
me for pissing in the bathtub.// |
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I suppose she has a problem with the floating poo, as
well? |
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Women. You cannot please them. |
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Is there really a need for this? |
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If there's a battle raging and I'm seriously at risk of being shot if I stand up (or squat), could I really think about taking a dump? |
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If I'm pinned down and need to stay prostrate to avoid being killed then surely taking a dump is way down my list of things to do. |
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Defence procurement is in the news recently, and from the sound of it a bit of kit like this could end up costing quite a bit. I wonder if the soldier would prefer better body armour, better med-kits, or a little share in a helicopter. |
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Obviously I'm coming from a non-combatant position of inexperience, so apologies (and respect) to all those brave soldiers who have experience of this problem. |
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apologize to the brave marines in the battle for Iwo
Jima. And yes, this was the case for them. They
had to go in their pants, as they were pinned down,
for several days sometimes. |
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Sharing this somewhat jarring bit of historical detail
with us in the description of your idea would have
given it a much better, or at least more serious,
response [twitch]...I think. |
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