Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Humor filtration

 I can see clearly now
  (+6, -2)
(+6, -2) 		  [vote for,
against]

As I get older, more and more little chunks of whatever are floating around betwixt retina and cornea. The solution?

Tap the eyeball with two moderately heavy gauge needles, and run the delicious juices therein through a (sterile) filter.

Instantly regain the same uncluttered sight of bright, simple fields of view you remember from yesterwhen.

—GutPunchLullabies, Jun 15 2006

(?) Vitreous detachment http://vision.about.../qt/eyefloaters.htm
[2 fries shy of a happy meal, Jun 15 2006]

Zap them with lasers http://www.eyefloaters.com/
[ldischler, Jun 16 2006]

Oh crap, that's so much more terrible than I was envisioning. http://www.eyefloat...es/texas_retina.jpg
Dry heaves... [GutPunchLullabies, Jun 16 2006]


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Annotation:







       I assumed this to be a means by which one could find suitable jokes.....   

       Great idea, but for the pain induced simply by thinking about the procedure. I'll keep my 'floaters', thanks.   

       Would the eyeball not collapse if the pressure inside were reduced?   

       Doesn't bear thinking about.
—ironlung, Jun 15 2006
   

       When I was young, a cousin of mine shot me with an "empty" BB Gun. It struck me in the side of my right eye. It didn't puncture but caused some internal bleeding that soon required some surgury to fix. Between the bleeding and the surgury, I have about 2-3 times the floaters in my right eye as in the left. I would think that cutting the eye would cause more floaters than it would solve.   

       // Would the eyeball not collapse if the pressure inside were reduced? // Yes it does. It can happen with accidental punctures and sometimes it is done intentionally to relieve pressure due to an infection that causes swelling. But the eye has all of the means to regulate the eye pressure over time. It eventually goes back to normal.
—MoreCowbell, Jun 15 2006
   

       BTW. I tried to say something funny but the humor filter must have stripped it out. :(
—MoreCowbell, Jun 15 2006
   

       [2 fries]'s (?) link mentions that in rare cases, the vitreous humour is replaced with saline solution to deal with serious instances of this problem.
—david_scothern, Jun 16 2006
   

       [phlish], I've heard something to that effect before, but my optometrist tells me different. And my own experience with "dry eye" has been excruciating.
—normzone, Jun 16 2006
   

       hey, I'm crying (don't ask) - want some real tears?   

       you can buy the real wet stuff I believe.
—po, Jun 16 2006
   

       [pats [po] on the back, offers a tissue, doesn't ask]
—normzone, Jun 16 2006
   

       The laser is a fairly simple outpatient procedure now. Think waiting in line three hours because the 2nd laser system broke down. Having the eye dilated with drops. 15 minutes of click zap click zap ... 50 60 times.   

       No pain. Drove home after.
—popbottle, May 03 2014
   

       Can you use destructive interference between two tightly focused high frequency lasers to destroy the floaters?
—Voice, May 03 2014
   


 

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