Human Jeanome Project

The other day, I laid out all my pairs of jeans (2) on my bed to establish whether I needed to buy any new ones (yes). It struck me that a pair of jeans looks a bit like half a chromosome. It also struck me that the odds of someone else having the exact same collection of jeans, in the same sizes and with the same wear would be astronomical (the frayed ends represent a hyper variable region, which often reduces in length with age).

Now, my observations could well be useful. Genetics, as we all know, has provided a pleasing diversion in biology. We were all very impressed with the peas and long stringy stuff, and the worryingly obsessive "sequencing" malarkey. However, science must progress, and I'm pleased to report that the focus has shifted back to the important business of figuring out how Ca2+ gets where its going, while the DNA sits around trying not to acquire mutations.

Now, we all know "genetic fingerprinting" is all well and good, but there are many problems with this: DNA is invisible, you need all sorts of fancy equipment to visualize and manipulate it.... worst of all, you'll need a molecular biologist.... and they never wash their cups and insist, against all evidence to the contrary, that 1ul can be accurately pipetted. DNA is fragile, it has a tough reputation but believe me, a couple of cycles in the washing machine and it soon gives up.

So jeans. They're tough, versatile, visible to the naked eye and can be used to identify an individual. Simply upload you're personal Jeans-Chromosome Karyotype (example chromosome <link>). And you will be identifiable.

Even if you're burnt to a crisp in a horrendous fire, the rivets, buttons and zip will still be around, to locate your charred remains and bring vital solace to your grieving relatives.