h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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Not to nitpick (OK, yes to nitpick), how did you arrive at the "two feet" elevation? |
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A more realistic dimension would be 2 cm, which if then so +. |
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A hoop skirt is suspended from the waist of the wearer on flexible tapes. Can you explain how lift is to be applied to the person? What types of straps, rods, linkages and struts, etc.? |
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//straps, rods, linkages// the Hoverdress is self-contained; the wearer rests on a small seat, inside from the waist down. |
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//two feet// two feet... get it ? (okay, marketing made me write that, but I thought it was cute). |
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//This is gonna take a shitload of beans, to get any
meaningful lift.// |
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You may be pleased to know that another name for a hoop
skirt is "farthingale". It is not clear whether the "h" is silent. |
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Aha, the old "leave out the technical stuff entirely and no-one will notice" ploy - good start though. I hope the otherwise-Victorian dress will be controlled by a pair of futuristic joysticks protruding from the skirt. I'd like to see a ballroom full of them. |
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//the old 'leave out the technical stuff entirely'//
yes, well, about that: the original concept came in the form of a mental image of Victorian era ladies gliding along garden paths, and gliding their way effortlessly through ballroom dances, floating across ponds, etc; all sans technical details. |
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Currently I'm leaning towards a hemispherical shell, in which one sits and controls movement via foot-pedals; the actual dress portion would be draped over the shell. But that would make it general-purpose, ie: useable without requiring a skirt. Alternatively pictured is a(n internally reinforced) hoop-skirt which is the actual air chamber. |
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Ah, now not only have i thought about this but it's part of my whole real meringue joint wedding outfit idea on here whose name has slipped my mind. My thought was that this could be made to work if there was a seat inside the dress on which bride and groom sat and which was part of the frame. |
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IIRC hovercrafts don't actually trap air "under" their skirt, they have two skirts and force the air between them. Maybe you need some sort of twin-skirt approach. |
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[19thly] "Australian Wedding Sugarcraft", though I've more in mind Steampunk flavoured accoutrements. |
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.. umm... I'd consider the redundancy, but you've got "custard powered engine" and "sugar-glass fans" as well as a dual-wedding dress, so I'm gonna stand on this... still can't decide whether to go for the hard or soft-shell model for "how it works"; given the weight, even the soft-shell model would need some kind of auxiliary support for non-powered or "parked" mode. |
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[edit: soft-shell: hard-shell would simply be a personal-sized hovercraft] |
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I think there are two different types of hovercraft
skirt, and i will look this up in a sec, but i think the
difference is to do with the airflow. One goes
through the sides, the other down the middle. Could
be wrong though. |
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//Fair enough//
makes me want to re-name/write this as "Personal Hovercraft Cozy" to make a small hovercraft look like a large hoop-skirt. |
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OK, there are three types: bag, finger, and bag
and finger. Bag skirts have an inflated loop on the
outside and either feed air through them from the
fan which then supply the air cushion through
holes or inflate it through scoops. The second
design is vulnerable to tearing and either don't
negotiate obstacles well. Finger skirts have lots of
vertical slats or fringes, and if i knew more about
fashion i'd be able to tell you what that's called -
like grass skirts. The pressure from the air cushion
itself holds it in place, so i imagine they sort of
interlock somehow as they aren't joined. The
problem with that design would be that if
movement is inwards in any direction, the air
cushion would collapse. This can be solved by
having it trail along the ground, so the best thing
there would appear to be some kind of train
behind the dress which you should never either
walk backwards in or (assuming the dress is
motorised or pedal-powered) reverse. Are you
envisaging more a bubble-car style arrangement
here or thinking that the dress should have a
reverse gear? If the former, an extended finger
skirt won't work, but if the latter and the skirt is
pedal-powered, it would take some getting used
to. |
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The other kind of skirt is the combined bag and
finger skirt, where i think you either have
inflatable fingers or a bag skirt with a fringe.
These are heavy but combine the advantages of
both types of simple skirt. However, if you're
thinking of an hoop skirt, that would seem highly
appropriate. |
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Right, so given all that, there is another issue.
The pressure inside the air cushion will be higher
than the ambient pressure or it won't work, unless
the skirt just has a ring of smaller skirts around the
hem maybe. This raises the possibility of a jet-ski
style accident, where air enters the peritoneum
per vaginam. Consequently, either the air cushion
needs to be in a different compartment, the
wearer needs to wear airtight knickers, or, and
this last one is interesting, the dress would only
be suitable for men. So maybe this is more a
hover hoop _kilt_ than a dress or skirt? |
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//jet-ski style accident, where air enters the peritoneum per vaginam// |
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Sorry? Jet-ski? How? Does this really happen? |
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//jet ski//[19thly] I think we've established, both by yourself and [wagster] that the entire undercarriage isn't pressurized, so I don't see how a "fringe only" system would affect the nether regions of the wearer. For safety purposes, the operator would have to be able to stand up in a pinch, so a full plenum is rather contra-indicated, anways. |
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[+] This is so steampunk. |
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[Wagster], yes it does, because the abdominal
cavity is open to the outside via the uterine
(erstwhile "Fallopian") tubes, uterus, cervix and
vagina. There is actually communication between
the peritoneal cavity and the external
environment, except in men, and it's an occasional
occurrence in waterskiing accidents that air
penetrates there, presumably with the risk of
peritonitis from bacteria (but i don't know about
that last bit). You're only talking little bubbles. |
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An air cushion would by its very nature have
higher pressure than the surrounding atmosphere
or it wouldn't work. You could still stand up if
there was an intrinsic pair of tights. If you
wanted it to be pressurised, it needn't be a
problem. |
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I thought wetsuits would... never mind. |
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Interesting point, [wagster], don't know what the answer to that one would be. Maybe they should put a warning on bikini bottoms or something. |
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Would this pose a problem in kitchens equipped with flying toasters? |
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[UB], that sounds like the kind of thing which is likely enough to have happened in prehistoric times to have favoured some kind of mutation at some point, or maybe it's just impossible or not likely enough to lead to it being eliminated. |
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I like, but I agree with [csea]...I'm a little chubby and just can't see me going 2 feet off the ground..AND then where does the chair attach? |
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I see it as having a plank across the top hoop with a saddle. Pedalling would help you lose weight, so it would get easier. |
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Marilyn Monroe's skirt seems to be of the bag skirt design. Also, the fan is not optimally positioned for lift. |
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fans, plural: 4 of them positioned at what would approximately be knee-level; extensible stirrups; still prevaricating between an actual seat, or a harness. |
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I just got a visual of RC hovercraft ballroom Barbies. Coming soon to a commercialized holiday near you. |
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