h a l f b a k e r yThe embarrassing drunkard uncle of invention.
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There are many ideas on the HB for toasters, but so far, none - even the "Gillette Toaster" - address the fundamental problem of multidimensional toasting.
Your species is now aware that your "reality" which you perceive in four dimensional SpaceTime (don't quibble or we will set Brian Cox on you)
actually has several more dimensions whos existance, thanks to Professor Higgs, can be proved mathematically.
These dimensions however have collapsed, in the first few fractions of an attosecond after the Big Bang.
Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it isn't there.
So, for truly complete toasting, what you need is the new BorgCo DimensoToast, a toaster that toasts a slice of bread in ALL mathematically provable dimensions simultaneously, thus ensuring that even the parts that protrude into other dimensions are a lovely crunchy golden brown.
Each toaster comes in a nice cardboard box with an instruction manual printed on paper, and a DVD full of images of whiteboards covered in almost incomprehensible equations.
The DeLuxe version has an instruction manual autographed by one or more cast members of The Big Bang Theory.
Warning to Annotators: Be nice. We have Brian Cox and we're not afraid to use him.
Gillette Toaster
Gillette_20Toaster
Not quite the best on the market, but Prior Art acknowledged. [8th of 7, Mar 19 2018]
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Annotation:
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As long as you've got Brian Cocks, everything is copacetic.
He has a voice like a bag of dead puppies. |
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You're just jealous of Brian's Cock - look away next time. |
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You're right. Wish I could fit mine into tight jeans. |
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// Wish I could fit mine into tight jeans. // |
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It's your own fault for buying those cheap adult incontinence garments. |
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Why don't you just pay to have the operation done privately ? It's not like you can't afford it... and it would save you the embarrassment of all those damp stains on the upholstry. |
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Given the price of gin these days, I can assure you that no
liquid leaves my body without express permission. |
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Either bad science or wrong category. It should be under Marketing. Is there a marketing category? |
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Well, there's Business:[Scam] which is the same thing, just with a different spelling (so they can charge more for it). |
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//express permission// as in "Miss! Miss!"? |
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That's exactly what he does do, and then someone else has to bring a mop and a bucket of disinfectant and clear it up. |
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// //express permission// as in "Miss! Miss!"? // -
it's always a 'miss' - they've tried painting a
target to improve his aim but it never works... |
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What goes around, comes around. You inevitably lose a proportion of your own crumbs, but interdimensional leakage means you tend to get similar amount of alien crumbs back. |
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Just hope that there's no antimatter in there. It can all get rather loud and expensive. |
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You ever seen pictures of what your species calls the "Crab Nebula" ? Yup. Cheap toaster. Stick in two slices of extra thick sliced wholemeal, two chunks of pure antimatter pop up, next thing you know your primary's gone nova.
Bit late to claim under the warranty then ... |
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