h a l f b a k e r yA few slices short of a loaf.
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I hate to be submitting an execution method, but I live in Texas, where death row moves like the line at McDonald's, so I guess it's no wonder this came to me in a dream the other night.
Our methods of execution should reflect the medieval mentality represented by the death penalty. They should use
archaic technology, they should be brutal, and they should be public. However, there is always room for innovation.
I'll try to describe, but it'll be easier if you just see the diagram link below.
The Head-Squisher is a large, elevated device constructed mostly of wood. The victim is strapped onto a T-shaped part at the end of a long arm with a counterweight at the other end. Running perpendicular through this arm is a shaft which is rotated by the pulling of ropes by hooded executioners down below. This rotation causes the arm to lift the victim up through the air and then come crashing down on his/her head on other side, smashing their head, showering the crowd of onlookers with all sorts of interesting biological material.
This way the public will all feel like the victim's blood is on them (in both the metaphorical and literal sense).
Head squisher
http://www.google.c...%22head+squisher%22
Per [spartanico]'s non-request [angel, Apr 22 2002]
(?) Total Executions in the States
http://crime.mining...TION%2520TOTALS.htm
Not quite what you wanted, ¯sappho, but a start. [reensure, Apr 22 2002]
no one is safe!
http://youtu.be/TJUAYzc9JOA
[calum, Jul 15 2014]
[link]
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oh, couldn't you have put a picture of 'the victim' in there? |
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ah...don't you love TX? I often think that what they should do is give the criminals guns in an arena...with a complete OK Corral set incorporated into it. Dress the criminals up in 1880s garb and let them have a real shoot-out, Texas style. (of course the arena will have to be surrounded by bullet-proof glass so the criminals can't kill the spectators....and gonna need those police snipers up high to finish off the criminals if they don't succeed in killing each other....) |
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(disclaimer: bliss said this idea may bring out the troll in people ;-) |
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Bravo. They are great pictures and very croissant worthy. All the moreso that they're drawn with a mouse. |
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I'm assuming the dark spot in the 'target zone' is a gore stain from previous uses. |
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That said, I kinda' hate the idea, though. |
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Before the second picture, I thought that the condemned man* had to lie on the long plank, and that the moving part was spring-loaded to thwap over and squish the head by the impact from whatever angular velocity had been attained. Then I was disabused of that image by the second picture.
[bristolz] I also hate the essence of the idea but I am working very hard at taking nothing on this site seriously. Hence earlier efforts at global land mass reorganisation.
*are there any stats on how many female death row candidates there are/have been through history? Aside from the witch-burning episodes, that is. |
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Oh, I'm not taking it seriously but thinking about it actually made me feel an uncomfortable twinge, physically. |
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It's much bigger than expected, and makes more sense with the victim drawn in. |
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It is important to get in touch with your troll side, don't try to repress it. |
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Why not just hire Gallagher? |
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//Why not just hire Gallagher?//
That in itself would be cruel and unusual punishment. |
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simply because he should not be paid for what he does |
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Actually it wouldn't bother me to see Gallagher on one of these. Just don't sit in the front row without your plastic shield |
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Nice looking contraption. I'm relieved no one has found a bunch of head-squisher links. |
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Could we not just punish the guilty by involving them in an interminably long and silly Kids in the Hall sketch? |
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[angel] I like the way that google respectfully asked "Did you mean 'head smashed'?" |
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That was a wonderful invention. If I am ever excuted (perhaps for justifiable homicide with a lethal pun) I will ask for the head-squisher ... |
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Death by Trebuchet would be similar and just as theatrical. |
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runforest, you never watched Mad Max, did you? I don't think this would add to the general social welfare.. |
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//Death by Trebuchet would be similar and just as theatrical.// |
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Apparently, artillery men have always had a morbid sense of humour, dead horses, corpses and even live prisoners found their way into the sling at various times.The arm was released, the counterweight causing the front end to go down and the long arm to fly through the air and discharge the live stock of the sling in a high arc which carried the corpses over the defences. I say use a mangonel. |
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weren't diseased cattle fired into a
castle in France? during a siege, to
spread plague.... and this was the first
known use of biological warfare. |
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Ooh, I wouldn't want to be in that crowd! |
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Rapid head squishing would be a more humane method than those
presently used. The execution is fast and painless, the people still get their
brutality, what's not to like? |
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A guillotine with a big block of metal instead of a blade ? |
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//weren't diseased cattle fired into a castle in
France? during a siege, to spread plague.... and this
was the first known use of biological warfare.// |
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Close. It was an early attempt at a McDonald's
delivery service. |
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[MB] is, as usual, correct. The system failed because the payload
wasn't sufficiently toxic. It was hundreds of years before a sutably
weaponized Big Mac was available, by which time an international
convention on chemical and biological weapons had come into force. |
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Oddly, though, civillians are still permitted to aquire and own them
without any form of licensing or control, which strikes us as a trifle
irresponsible. |
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It's all horrible reminiscent of the early, over-
ambitious sandwich trade. The attempt to deliver a
158ft sub to the Japanese aircraft carrier Akitsu Maru
went horribly wrong. |
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//If I am ever ex[e]cuted...I will ask for the head-squisher//
I'd go for death by Snoo-snoo myself.
+ For the idea though. Something like 8th's guillotine suggestion, where the victim is held steady, rather than moving them around, would be better, I feel. Although, there might need to be some research done as to whether you get maximum splat from 8th's solid block (some might make reference to his own head here but I am above such things), or from a flat paddle-type affair, perhaps with slots in it like some kitchen implements have. Any volunteers to go away and find out? |
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Would the director of this enterprise be known as The
Head Squisher or the head squisher head? |
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The Head Head Squisher of course. If his name was Scott Quentin Ischer, then his name badge could read |
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Head Head Squisher S.Q.Ischer |
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Yes, but people would think him a fool because he
lacked a U. |
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//artillery men have always had a morbid sense of humour, dead horses, corpses and even live prisoners// |
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Nothing to do with humour (morbid or otherwise) [skin], simply very pragmatic. |
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Corpses used as ammunition (animal or other) can be considered among the earliest forms of biological (or is that virological?) warfare, as they add disease (if not extant) to the woes of the besieged, especially if ripe (which they should always be, throwing usable food over the wall to a besieged enemy who (if you can't do it any quicker) your trying to starve into submission is counter productive). |
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While prisoners (live or otherwise) as ammunition constitute a very simple, brutal & direct form of psychological warfare (especially if they were locals & had friends & family inside the walls). |
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ah.. I see [xenzag] got there first. |
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//an early attempt at a McDonald's delivery service// |
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//years before a sutably weaponized Big Mac was available// |
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Max & 8th appear to be channelling Terry & his co-conspirator in the authoring of 'Good Omens'. |
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A somewhat different angle, but still reminiscent of Famines alleged interest in nuevo cuisine, superseded by his interest in McDonalds ('devoid of nutritional content' so you can gorge yourself to starvation, untrue of course, it goes quite the other way, but still a beautiful image). |
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Yeah that "no one is safe" line is too funny, just
perfect. |
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