h a l f b a k e r yMagical moments of mediocrity.
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We all know about the politically correct nursery rhymes and Little Red Riding Hood's father being an economically challenged woodcutter etc.. but wouldnt halfbakery rhymes be more fun? I envisage the big bad wolf threatening to blow down the little piggies' Film Noir Homes, Little Red Riding Hood's
father being a Custard Engineer, Little Miss Muffet being scared by a Mosh-Buddy-Pogo-Weeble, Goldilocks (wearing her glow in the dark hair dye) eating all of the three bears caffeinated breakfast cereal, and finally, of course, in the deluxe pack all the rhymes could be in the Third Person Plural Conditional Past Perfect Continuous... just to be silly.
oh yes, I almost forgot the Grand old Duke of York and his flocking Road cones!
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baked. UB will do these periodically. Just don't ask for them... let them appear organically. They're much better that way - the spontaneity is what makes them great. |
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I would keep this idea... oh and you forgot shrodingers duke of york... |
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//in the deluxe pack all the rhymes could be in the Third
Person Plural Conditional Past Perfect Continuous... just
to be silly.// |
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You mean, "...just to have been being silly." |
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I guess the reverse of this idea, would be to post nursery rhymes as halfbakery ideas. E.G:
DIY WOUND DRESSING
Scalp injuries can be repaired quickly and hygenically by applying papier mache. Using acetic acid instead of water will help cleanse the wound and reduce subsequent infection, while the colour of paper used can be matched to hair colour (eg brown) for cosmetic purposes.
NOVELTY POLECATS
Feed your polecat a mixture of 227 grammes of unrefined sugar mollasses together with 227 grammes of plain white rice. You will find that the expense is well worth the resulting hilarious sound effects!
TALKING BELLS
Navigation around tourist cities could be made much easier if church belltowers were fitted with loudspeakers to indicate the name of the church. To add local flavour, the announcements could be tailored to fit in with local practices, e.g. the bells in London could all use Cockney rhyming slang.
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Ilike it, Lemon. It puts me in mind, stylistically speaking, of the Peter Sellers/Richard III/Hard Days Night sketch. How about this one...
SONIC BLASTER MOUSE TRAPS
Clocks should be fitted with highly sensitive motion detectors. Just before you go to bed at night you press a button to activate the clocks secondary function. Once activated the clock will transmit a high powered sonic 'stun' wave if it detects the tell tale scratching noises of small rodents. |
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DIET LEADS TO OVERPOPULATION AND MINITURISATION
The consumption of thick soup and the elimination of wheat products from the diet encourages large families capable of living in footwear. |
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PENSIONER'S DOG STARVES TO DEATH |
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The R.S.P.C.A. were outraged last night by the sudden demise of Fang, Mrs Flo Hubbard's pekinese-mastiff crossbreed. "I blame the foot and mouth crisis for the current lack of cow bones" said a spokesperson. |
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Somewhere along the line the ideas turned into news
stories... |
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Somewhere along the line the ideas turned into news
stories... |
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