I have spent most of today (like a lot of days) sitting at the back of a conference, surfing the ‘bakery and pretending that using a sound desk is really complex. I have listened to hundreds of executives and civil servants discussing and learning why local government should be e-nabled, how important
Project NOMAD is to us all and how the e-Government / m-Government synergy can produce massive cost-benefits in data rationalisation.
I have also learned how important it is that dolphins have pianos, how to have a tug-o-war with your hair, how to trick your neighbour into thinking that Kirsten Dunst is on their doorstep and how to make a parachute out of confetti, and it strikes me that these conference delegates are getting the thin end of the wedge. They will have filled their heads full of this tedious rubbish whereas I will have broadened my mind and kept abreast of the latest concepts which will change the face of our world.
How different today would have been if I had been chairing the conference and all you good bakers had been flanking me on the top table.
“Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to today's event, the first Halfbakery Conference. I would like to introduce our first speaker, Sartep, who is going to take us through the difficulties of procuring and wearing a Secret Hat without divulging one’s identity. He will be followed by Robinism who will be discussing the unusual form that is the Sphericon and the uses to which it can be put. The morning session will be rounded off by Cap’n David Scothern who will be engaging us in an interactive session which I’m sure you’ll all enjoy.
“There will then be a thirty minute comfort break where coffee and chocolate fireworks will be available courtesy of our sponsors ‘Po Creations’. After coffee, Ldischler will be updating us on the progress in manufacturing a usable parabolic pool table, and Farmer John will be presenting a horology master class.
“Lunch will be served downstairs where we will be having Lava-fried chicken with Horseshoe Beans and Peas-on-the-Cob followed by Crumble Crumble and Heavy Water Coffee.
“After lunch our keynote speaker Jutta will be asking: ‘M-F-D Technicalities – Are we obsessed?’ followed by a panel session at which you may ask questions. Afterwards there will be a variety of breakout sessions where we will be solving the design problems of various inventions that have proved tricky to implement such as the Motorised Goldfish Bowl and the Piston Packing Trolley. Unabubba will be firing pastries into the various groups to help feed the creativity.
“We will finish the day with a brief report from the breakout groups on what progress they have made, before we all leave for dinner and Cappugenic Hallucinoccinos at the Hundred Thousand Gallon Restaurant.
"Anyone wishing to spend the day studying e-Government Strategy can of course do so in the tiny little airless room at the back full of sound desks, projectors and PC’s. Sartep, over to you.”