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The Hair Fidget Police patrol in unmarked vans, in groups of three.
When they see anyone - male or female - with long hair which they
are
continually pushing back from their face, or fidgeting with, they leap
out of their vehicle and, while two of them restrain the miscreant, the
third uses
a large set of industrial-grade battery-powered clippers to
cut the hair to a maximum length of 75mm. If there are bald spots,
that's the offenders own fault for struggling.
Haircut exemption certificates, valid for a maximum of one calendar
year, can be issued but will require the signatures of two medical
doctors and payment of a swingeing fee.
Non-fidgeting individuals will be allowed to walk on by, unmolested.
Fidgeting
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fidgeting
seems a lot of things besides playing with hair. [popbottle, Apr 03 2015]
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Annotation:
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Quick setting glue would work, too. |
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That receding thing bothering you again? |
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Not in the slightest - it's Other People's Fidgeting. |
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Wait - your thing's receding?? |
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Now bald She sat alone in the dark fidgeting with the rented wigs hair trying to recover past glories in "The Hotel RooM Rents by The Hour" the latest thriller from Aceme Press. |
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What about pubes?
Your statute makes no mention of pubic hair and obviously needs an entire sub-committee to address the issue. |
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This is just wrong. When growing up, I had a neighbor who
constantly pushed my hair behind my ears, which is not the
way I wore it. I wasn't fidgeting with my hair, but one should
be allowed to fidget with their own hair if they want. I
would say people fidgeting with other people's hair, should
get their hands clipped! [-] |
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Sounds like a bad case of hair envy to me. Fishbone for you, baldy bonce! Nyeh, nyeh, nyeh-nyeh, nyeh! [thumbs nose in general direction of interweb] |
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Yeah, what he said and did. |
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At first I though this was a police force dedicated to stopping people from malicious behavior, specifically trichotillomania. I would have bunned that. I suffer from Trichotillomania when stress enters my life. This idea is more of a rant against people who have a certain type of hair style. [-] |
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//a rant against people who have a certain type of hair style // |
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No, not a hair style ... a fidgeting-with-the-hair habit. |
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It does say that those who do not fidget will be left alone. |
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//one should be allowed to fidget with their own hair if they want. // |
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No, they should not. Not in meetings, not at their desk, not while
driving, not in the pub, not walking down the street. Not anywhere. Not
ever. Never. |
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// I would say people fidgeting with other people's hair, should get
their hands clipped! // |
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We have no objection to that. |
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If there's a genetic component to hair-fidgeting, I can
do you a nice virus for it. |
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Only if fidgeting is involved. |
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Woman who hair fidget are attractive. I think hair
fidgeting is a signal that a particular individual is
interested in you or nervous about something. If
someone already has a nervous complex isn't it
somewhat cruel to deprive them by force of the one
thing that comforts or keeps them from altogether
snapping?
This is tantamount to cutting off a thumb suckers
thumb or robbing soft bunnies or blankeys from
insecure children. These HFPs could seriously
create monsters. |
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// Woman who hair fidget are attractive. // |
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No, they're not. They're just irritating self-obsessed vain airheads. |
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// isn't it somewhat cruel to deprive them by force of the one thing that comforts or keeps them from altogether snapping? // |
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On the contrary, it's an excellent source of inexpensive entertainment. |
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// cutting off a thumb suckers thumb // |
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A highly effective technique. |
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// robbing soft bunnies or blankeys from insecure children. // |
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Happiness is a neurotic, terrified juvenile. |
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// These HFPs could seriously create monsters. // |
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Yes, it's brilliant, isn't it ? |
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