Hailfire Ice Cubes

I recently discovered a terribly odd effect. You see, your mouth has seperate receptors for "Hot" and "Cold" temperatures. Capsaicin and similar chemicals can trigger the "hot" sensors, while others, notably menthol, trigger the "cold" sensors. However, menthol does not deactivate the opposing sensors, and nor does capsaicin repress feelings of cold. The obvious question arises- what happens when both are active at once? What sensation is percieved when the inside of your mouth is registered both as burning hot and ice cold?

After conducting an experiment involving peppermint candies and hot sauce, I can reveal the answer to you: The taste is

a) Pretty much indescribable. The effect can be roughly akin to finding the flavor equivalent of octarine, or perhaps what happens when the measured temperature is a complex number.

and

b) Extremely tingly. Quite enjoyable, actually. In concentrated forms, however, the result is best described as INTENSE PAIN. Analysis of the market for extra-spicy foods indicates this is also enjoyable to a large subset of the population, so no problem there for those who prefer a more hardcore "flavor trip."

I propose a form of ice pop or popsicle which is both very, very strongly mint flavored and contains a generous helping of spicy substances; chili extracts and cayenne pepper seem to provide good results. The long-lasting cold of the ice and the effects of the mint flavor will provide the "cold" stimulus, and help to counter the long-lasting burn of the spicy ingredients. Sugar may also be added to improve the flavor.

Sucking on this ought to provide an extremely startling and very unusual, but quite pleasurable sensation. Also available in chewing gum form. The whole thing, of course, is packaged in a bright red and blue package.