h a l f b a k e r yMagical moments of mediocrity.
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Hadrian's wall was built by the Romans across the width of
Northern
Britain to contain the troublesome Scots from spilling over into
England and causing a mess. This makes the name appropriate for
application to a new type of toasting bread.
Hadrian's Wall Toasting Bread looks like normal
bread, except it
has a
crust running all the way around its entire circumference. Once
the
bread begins receiving heat, the crust swells up to form a slightly
raised encompassing wall that is a few millimetres higher than the
main bread. It can do this because within the crust there is an
extra
edible ingredient that expands on application of direct heat.
Once toasted, the bread now has a crust which acts in exactly the
same
way as that of its Hadrian's Wall namesake. No longer will jam,
marmalade, or copious amounts of butter be able to run out at the
edges of the bread and make a mess on the serving plate.
Cheese on toast can now be delivered with a lake of melted
cheese
securely continued within the retaining walls of swollen crust.
Criss-
cross-crusts also enable a type of mad Batten-burg toast to be
created, with
different coloured spreads being separated by the internal crusty
walls.
Perfect Toaster could work
Perfect_20Toaster
Just adjust the toaster to not toast edges [sophocles, Aug 17 2015]
[link]
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sortof a macro English muffin... so how is this to be accomplished; magic ? |
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//It can do this because within the crust there is an extra
edible ingredient that expands on application of direct
heat.// I leave the details of the actual ingredient to my
more learned chemists and apothecaries. |
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There is no such thing as an "English muffin". There
is a muffin, period; and there are perhaps American
or Lebanese muffins. |
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It's basically like the Queen. There is The Queen,
and then there are Queens of Spain, Mesopotamia
etc. |
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//it has a crust running all the way around its entire circumference// |
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... so, in much the same way that Hadrian's wall runs all the way around the perimeter of Scotland, with a particularly fiddly part encompassing the Giant's Causeway, and a barbican at John o' Groats to frustrate those who've just walked there from Land's End? |
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Part of Hadrian's Wall remains under the sea which
surrounds
Scotland. This worked very well because the Scots were
always terrified of coming into contact with water of any
kind. This is one of the reasons why they only drink
whiskey,
even though it was invented in N.Ireland at Bushmills. Prior
to that they would suck the sweat off each other's backs to
gain rehydration at the end of a day of kilt weaving, haggis
stuffing and mars bar deep fat frying. |
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// terrified ... of water // |
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What a dismally bleak and stereotypical (if painfully accurate) view of the Caledonian race ... |
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I think we ought to be a little less harsh on Scotland,
since the Scotch people voted to remain part of
England. |
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Maybe a wall within a wall, If smaller slices of cooked bread are layered in the 'Hadrian bread' dough. Once cooked the Hadrian would have to cut in a certain line with the other bread which can then be pulled out. This would give the spread imprisoning slices wanted. |
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The word that is missing here is "intumescent". |
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//I leave the details of the actual ingredient to my more
learned chemists and apothecaries.// If you write it, they
will come! |
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OK, here's how you can do it. |
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Your slice of bread (or waffle, or whatever) should have a
perimeter wall of a marshmallow-like belting.
(Unfortunately, the "intumescent" part doesn't seem to be
a lasting effect in edibles - the Ivory soap thing would be
really cool, but goes poorly with blueberry syrup). |
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(Note that this product will not endure toasting - so if you
want it on toast, you'll have to buy marshmallow-wrapped
toast [or take this as a DIY project]. I think you could lay
ridges of marshmallow cream across a waffle.) |
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When you go to microwave it, the piece must be
supported on a microwave safe scaffolding which supports
ONLY the marshmallow portion. The support should be
given a non-stick coating - PTFE, butter, spray, etc. As
the marshmallow warms and expands, it is lifted; the
remainder of the bread droops. At the point where a
smidgen of carmelization is beginning to occur in the
marshmallow, the microwave should be turned off - but
the bread should stay in place on the holder until the
marshmallow rims and ridges have solidified. |
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Then, pick it off and apply your liquids of lusciousness. |
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Of course, as soon as you cut into it with your fork, it's all
futile. |
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(linked) Perfect Toaster: If you're already adjusting the
toasting levels through sensors & zones of heating, just don't
heat the crust/edges much. |
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The zones that get heated more naturally contract, as they
lose moisture. So, the lesser-heated crust would stay high. |
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Heat it more on one side to get a concave/lens/bucket
effect as you wish. |
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