h a l f b a k e r yNow, More Pleasing Odor!
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Greece seems destined to slip into the status of hyper-
inflationary pariah state again, as it did in 1944 and 1953.
This will be a massive drain on the European economy and
will affect the rest of the world, unless we act now.
Therefore, starting Thursday morning at 9am, all olive oil,
rapeseed
crops, feta cheese, tzatziki, taramasalata and
unbaked bread dough in Greece is to be confiscated and
shipped to earthquake fault zones around the world. Once
there it is to be made into a giant milkshake and poured
into the fault zones to prevent potentially destructive
earthquakes.
A market rate for this food produce will be determined by
a specially convened sitting of the board of the World
Bank, with the proceeds being paid in part to the banks
that underwrote the latest bailout package and a bit going
directly to the Greek government's department of finance,
to replace the tax revenue it apparently can't ask its
citizens to pay.
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It's kind of like watching a stupidity-induced car crash in slow motion isn't it? One minute it looks as if they might just get some traction, then they oversteer back into the path of another b-double. |
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Of course to stretch the metaphor, the car's on fire, the driver's an incompetent bufoon, and the backseat mob can't see out the windshield. [also there's a cliff in front, they're in the middle of a meteor storm in an active war zone, the bridge is out, and there's a quartet of oddly spectral horsemen on their way over right now...]. |
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...Oh, the idea, yes. Put the whole lot into receivership and have a fire sale, with preference given to the hapless creditors? Yes, good idea. |
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the Parthenon would make a pretty reasonable gazebo. |
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Apparently they've been messing with this
idea called "democracy" for quite a while
now, but it's clearly not an outstanding
success. |
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But then, letting the general population have
any sort of a say in how the country is run
sounds extremely doubtful, and it is
noticeable how more successful and
advanced nations have scrupulously avoided
such a glaring mistake. Why, under such an
ill-advised system, George W Bush might
never have won the Presidency… |
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The trouble with the Greek version of democracy is
that their government kept spending more... a lot
more... than it was earning in taxes. The US, on the
other hand, is still spending more, a lot more, than...
as you were. |
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You could always use the Parthenon to house the
Elgin Marbles.
That would be a fitting use. |
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What an excellent idea. Have it dismantled,
crated, and shipped to the British Museum
immediately. |
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The Greek parliament, or the Parthenon? |
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Both are probably fitting museum fodder, from what I
can see. They both seem to be public institutions
long past their useful lifespan. |
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//this idea called "democracy" for quite a while now, but it's clearly not an outstanding success// |
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Agreed. What we, the great unwashed mob really need is a Benign Dictator, or at least some reasonable facsimile of benign. Said dictator could then draw our attention to a suitable Ubiquitous Enemy and we could all be Gloriuosly Distracted for a decent period, I'd wager. |
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This all sounds so familiar.... |
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When the Ubiquitous Enemy is our own stupidity the Gloriously Distracted decent period should last almost indefinitely I'd wager. |
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// This all sounds so familiar... // |
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You probably learned it from the Telescreens
during the Two Minutes Hate (a.k.a. a Party
Political Broadcast on behalf of the Liberal
Party). |
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Perhaps now is the time for Greece to annexe Turkey. |
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I think I'd rather see Turkey in Greece than the other
way around. |
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Give it all to the Kurds and Armenians. |
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I have an idea. Can't we just allocate Greece
Facebook shares? Have them flip it and by the end of
the day, they'll be out of debt? |
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Is it just a coincidence that Greece is the only European country that Queen Elizabeth, in 60 years as head of state and after hundreds of state visits abroad, has never visited?
Anyway,
[marked-for-deletion] bad geology / pun |
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// Have it dismantled, crated, and shipped to the British
Museum immediately. // |
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Why not? Half of it's there already, along with every
Egyptian artifact that would fit into a steamer trunk. |
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Just aquisitive … you should see what's
hidden away in the deep tunnels under the
Tower of London… Indiana Jones would bite
right through his hat brim. |
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When you've been in the "Oooh, that's nice…
I think I'll have that as a souvenir…" game for
the best part of a thousand years, Warehouse
13 looks
kind of tame by comparison. |
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And the best bit is that they p*ss on Australians for their criminal roots, all the while raping the world with established colonies. |
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Perhaps the Queen would care to send payment for items acquired? |
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Before we give everything back we'll carefully
'distress' it to the level it would be had we left it in
place - e.g. if Lord Elgin had not purchased the Elgin
marbles from the then owner of the Parthenon they
would have been dissolved by Turkish artillery and
Athens' pollution. |
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At least _we_ didn't have anything worth stealing. I think it
helped that there was a clean slate between nations when
our boys went over and impregnated an entire generation
of British daughters during WWII. Otherwise there might
have been some residual animosity to, um, *sour*
relations. |
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Pun? Pun? How can you say that, [hippo], when
everything is a pun. For fuck's sake, man, I make a
point of using pun titles where possible. |
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This was me trying to take away something useful
from the Greek debt crisis. Hell, my first idea was to
send them 100 million condoms, inside a wooden
horse, so they'd stop breeding more dole bludgers. |
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If they're sticking their things inside wooden horses (or even non-wooden horses) I don't think that actual breeding will be a problem. |
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That's why camels are called "Ships of the Desert". |
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