h a l f b a k e r yInvented by someone French.
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I have a sneaking suspicion you may have a candidate for the (other) list |
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out of curiosity.. just what exactly do human resources managers do? |
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They seem to come in two types; the first type typically run concentration camps, espouse a dictatorial and absolutist ideology, are borderline psychopaths, treat humans as a mere resource to be exploited and then disposed of, and revel in the exercise of their petty power, often inflicting random and undeserved brutality and vicious pointless torture to those unfortunates in their power. |
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The second type are typically employed by medium and larger commercial enterprises, espouse a dictatorial and absolutist ideology, are full-blown clinical psychopaths, treat humans as a mere resource to be exploited and then disposed of, and revel in the exercise of their petty power, invariably inflicting random and undeserved brutality and vicious pointless torture to those unfortunates in their power. They're by and large significantlt less compassionate and likeable the first sort. |
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It would be possible to create a "Human Resources Manager Hall of Fame" as part of the show. Some telephone boxes in remote locations experience very little visitor traffic - the Hall of Fame could be accommodated with ease, and still leave plenty of space for some rubber plants, a water dispenser, and one of those four-sided leaflet racks for other attractions, |
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//just what exactly do human resources mangers do?/ |
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Human Resources Managers are there as a conscience-buffer
between corporate policy and human decency. In this respect, they
are equivalent to the combustion chamber of a flamethrower:
"Obviously, I have no particular desire* to douse you with burning
diesel; however, since the diesel valve is open and since the ignition
coil is turned on, the procedure is that you will be doused with
burning diesel." |
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(*This is, of course, a lie. Human Resources Managers either moisten
or erect - depending on gender - when performing their functions;
but that is irrelevant.) |
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// combustion chamber ... diesel ... ignition coil // |
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<notes that, despite the incident perpetrated by his second cousin Peng Li at last summer's garden party and soap-carving competition, and attending the resultant inquests, [MB] still has a very limited understanding of flamethrowers and their methods of operation> |
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// I have no particular desire* to douse you with burning diesel // |
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//second cousin Peng Li// Please do try harder to
muster your facts, [8th]. Peng Li is, of course,
only a
third cousin. Known in his home-town as "The Man
With No Toes*", he is related to us only through his
mitochondrial genome. Also, FYI, it was not a
"soap-
carving competition" but just part of the regular
close-quarters combat training for the security
staff. |
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(*This is strange, because of course he has a full
set of toes. "The Man With No Attached Toes"
would be more accurate.) |
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I have a close friend who was an H.R. Director. She got fired
though for being human. Not H.R. anymore. Works at a
grocery store in customer service, and she shines. So I vote
for her to be honored. |
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The award isn't for ex-HR managers, tho .... |
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HR as in HR Giger? That tends to make some sense...the
talons, the slavering drool, no conscience... |
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Don't forget the armored skin, the acidic blood, and the ability to run on ceilings... yes, that's where he must have got the idea for Alien. |
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Of course, he had to tone them down a bit. |
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The HR professor who lectured us defined the science of HR to be 'How to make the bastards work harder for less money'. |
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I'm not sure HR Managers operate on quite that level.
I think they just enjoy the power they have by virtue
of following orders. |
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I'm going to stop commenting from now on, and since I never
think up good ideas anymore, that means you can all kiss my
ass goodbye. I can't believe all the nit picking that goes on
here. Geeezzz. I'll see you on the other side, buggers. |
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Ok, I'm back. My skin thicker, my sword sharpened. |
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