h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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Grated salami would be tastier than bacon bits. Having an extra-savory taste, it would make an excellent addition to a salad, or to noodles (pasta carbonara), garlic bread, melted cheese on toast, mashed potatoes, or other cooked veggies.
Salami and other cured lunch meats are considered less healthy
for the arteries, as is bacon, however when grated finely should permit more of the heavy unsaturated fat to react with saliva in the mouth before reaching the stomach.
Furthermore, the high surface area of the grated form would also stimulate the savory taste buds more by elevating the level of free glutamate sloshing around in your mouth, thus allowing less to be consumed in order to achieve umami/savoriness satiation. Short of a bacon smoothie, this is as good as it gets.
Grated salami should definitely be introduced as a pizza topping everywhere, and should be distinguished from mere shredded salami or shredded pepperoni, which already exist as toppings. For best results, the grated salami should be sprinkled directly on top of the cheese, before other toppings are added.
Because salami is naturally soft, somewhat fibrous and also oily/fatty, it would normally be exceedingly hard to grate without clogging up the sharp surfaces of any grater. Therefore the salami should be near-frozen when it is grated, in order to keep it from being sticky, thus allowing it to grate better.
Microtome Meats
Microtome_20Meats
same principle but with knives so sharp they are whetted on glass. [bungston, Mar 29 2013]
This person grates salami with a microplane grater box.
http://www.flickr.c...rahaven/2451802475/
[xandram, Mar 29 2013]
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Annotation:
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[+] apart from //when grated finely should permit
more of the heavy unsaturated fat to react with
saliva in the mouth before reaching the stomach.//
In what way would this reduce the amount of
unsaturated fat? |
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Did that sneaky sanman answer Max by expanding his idea to include umami? And is umami anything like you mama? Because if so I like it! |
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If you cooked the grated salami before using it as a
topping, you could separate out some of that
unhealthy fat. |
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Max, the unsaturated fats would have more chance to react/saturate before reaching your bloodstream, due to the higher surface area exposure of the grated meat. Reduction would be in the sense of less grated meat being required in order to satisfy your taste buds, so the serving amount would be smaller. The greater surface area again affords more interaction with your taste buds - more savoriness/umami for less meat consumed. Just like how melted cheese is more savory than solid cheese in your mouth. |
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//unsaturated fats would have more chance to
react/saturate before reaching your bloodstream//
As far as I know, that won't happen in saliva; but I'm
prepared to be convinced otherwise. |
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// tastier than bacon bits // |
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Your delusion saddens me. Is this rejection of bacon as the
tastiest of all meats the only fundamental truth you deny,
or part of a greater program of dogmatic conditioning to
which you have been subjected since childhood? |
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Alterother, think of cured pork as concentrated distilled bacon. |
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This borders on a recipe, but I do think it would be good. I think I'd prefer strips of salami. |
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Today's experiment involved a Pepperami (which
was playing the part of a salamus), liquid nitrogen
(which played the part of liquid nitrogen), and a
wrench (which played the part of a hammer). |
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The result was less than ideally perfect, consisting
of two large pieces of Pepperami, >2 smallish
chunks (only two were found, but I heard at least
one other hit something on the other side of the
room), and a small amount of rapidly-defrosting
powder/paste which tasted of wrench. |
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Howevertheless, the method shows promise. |
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Max, I'll give you high marks for effort, but I don't know of any way to prepare food that involves a wrench. Even a scraping knife might have created some useful shavings, though. |
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Best to save that liquid nitrogen for making ice cream. |
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//I don't know of any way to prepare food that
involves a wrench.// The trick would be to make a
suitably flavoured wrench. |
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I marvel that the guy who could produce (among
other things) a gold sovereign, a neodymium
permanent magnet, liquid nitrogen and a Pepperami
did not have a hammer handy. Some of those
hammers are good for whacking food, you know.
Food whacking hammers. They sell them in places
that sell forks and stuff. |
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My handiness threshold is quite low. All of my
available hammers (geological, ball-pein, sledge and
watchmaker's) require excavation from behind
various piles of stuff, some of it sharp and/or living. |
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It's alright, I've got one here. I have a hammer in every
room of my home (except one of the bathrooms). |
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//except one of the bathrooms// |
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Great, now I know what to get you for your birthday
(or Saturnalia, whichever comes first). |
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