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Goldfish Cenotaph
"In Memory of Our Beloved Sparkle Who Has Returned to the Sea. (sort of)" | |
My daughter's beloved goldfish Sparkle went to that big bowl in the sky the other day. (It was a well behaved fish so I assumed it went to goldfish heaven, not goldfish hell.)
Burying it was kind of gross. I would have preferred to flush it but it seemed like some kind of memorial was necessary.
Cenotaphs are grave markers for those lost at sea, perfect for this job. The next time I'm on goldfish burial detail I'll skip the digging, use one of these and discretely flush the poor creature into eternity.
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Annotation:
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We took one to the jetty at Manly and laid it to rest
in the Pacific Ocean, about 8 years ago. (Didn't dare
tell daughter it was about to become fish food). |
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I remember when my Sparky died. He was my work
beta fish. Many bakers stood vigil while the poor
thing struggled to stay alive. But alas, he had to be
flushed one gloomy Monday morn. Sparky and Sparkle
are frolicking together somewhere in the afterlife.
Happy Ending. |
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Goldfish are inherently aerodynamic. I think it
would be a wonderful tribute to launch the late
lamented fish into the wide blue yonder, using a
tastefully-designed trebuchet. |
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My kids seemed fine with saying a few kind words about how awesome a fishy it was, humming taps, and then, fluuuush... with an "All drains lead to the ocean kiddos." comment under my breath. |
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No, I think death is pretty permanent in goldfish. |
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Pizza delivery in reverse. Driver stops by with a fish sized Chinese food coffin, and takes the finned body to parts unknown. |
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//Pizza delivery in reverse.//...Actually that service should be standard for all household pets (and other minor gods). It would be very nice if the coffin-bearer was respectfully attired and well-versed in a few ceremonious words appropriate to the occasion and designed to allay the emotions of the tender-hearted survivors. I would gladly support that service. |
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That service exists and is expensive. We've had two
cats, a dog and several guinea pigs moved on to the
afterlife, at rates between $150 and $300 each time. |
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They come back, cremated and sealed in a small box
with a candle and a little scroll. |
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// Pizza delivery service // |
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Wait, I didn't order anchovies... |
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//cremated and sealed in a small box with a
candle// Somebody has a sense of humour, then. |
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I thought the humorous part was "They come back..." |
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