h a l f b a k e r yGuitar Hero: 4'33"
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I used to be in a metal band. There was a drummer. He
enjoyed hitting his far-too-numerous bits of equipment,
and beamed with pride* when he managed to break a
cymbal, or more frequently a stick. Shrapnel was a very
real danger at band practices.
Now, some cymbals are designed to make a crashy-smashy
type of noise. In the past, I have dropped glass objects,
they've smashed, and I've thought "that makes a perfectly
serviceable smashy-crashy sound".
So, why not make cymbals out of glass? Simple, you'd only
be able to use it once. However, we can work around this.
A relatively simple system, consisting of a laser
refractometer - to check if there's a cymbal there and a
large hopper full of glass cymbals should solve this
problem. Think of how old-style record player dropped
records onto the turntable, like that.
Now, when the drummer hits his cymbal, it smashes,
sending glass flying everywhere. The laser refractometer
measures a change, a microcontroller interprets this as a
lack of cymbal and drops another one from the hopper.
Simply rinse and repeat this for each different type of
cymbal. At the end of a Rush concert there would be many
tonnes of glass shards surrounding a badly lacerated Neil
Peart, but the pile will glitter pleasingly in the stage lights,
and Rock's reputation for excess will be enhanced.
*there is a chance, thinking back, that it may have been
wind.
Um...not exactly metal...but he likes your idea, too.
https://www.youtube...outube_gdata_player
[Ling, Dec 16 2013]
[link]
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//I used to be in a metal band// |
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Wow, two former head bangers on this site? How cool is that? |
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Three, if what my band played met the criteria for 'metal',
and if playing a single paid gig completes the criteria for
'band'. Either scenario is feasable by my judgement. |
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I was friends with the drummer from a much better band
who would have fucking loved this idea, as do I. Bake on,
dude! |
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I have some technical; questions. How does the feeder work? Does it obstruct the audience's view of the drummer? And how quickly can it feed? I am thinking of an extended cymbal roll - can the machine place 20 per second on the stand? Or are we thinking 2 per sec max? |
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Yeah, the drummer I mentioned would definitely put the
machine's feed rate to the test. The guy was loco rapido. |
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Got it. We use the Gatling mechanism. The Cymbals
are on a rotissomat-style arrangement, rotating in
the horizontal plane (care will be needed to arrange
all cymbals in the Z-plane to prevent clashes, like a
Chinook rotor paring). The whole arrangement can
rotate while new cymbals are loaded at the back.
Rockers will appreciate the drummer-machine gun
link. |
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A cymbalic second bun for that. |
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Different types of glass would produce not only different
crashes (as does an array of conventional cymbals) but also
different visual spectacles due to the variety of fracture
patterns. |
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This is so complicated, and dangerous that it can never work = [+] |
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That's what they said about TetraPak. They were
right. |
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The advantage to the Gatling arrangement is the
additional energy the glass fragments will have when
liberated from the spinning cymbal-rotor. Cymbal-
rotors on the right of the drummer should spin
clockwise. Then, when played/smashed, the
fragments SHOULD spray in an arc extending from
parallel to the drummer to roughly perpendicular,
away from the drummer. These are necessary safety
measures to ensure that he can finish the song. |
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The kit should be on a grating riser to prevent shard
buildup around the pedals. |
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Has anyone ever considered the percussive potential
of the clay pigeon launcher I wonder? |
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What about simply rotating the drummer rapidly? |
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If you give them enough Mountain Dew they'll do that on
their own. |
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[+] and another one for the look on the glazier salesperson's face. |
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When designing the mechanics of this, you might consider that these don't actually have to look like cymbals. I don't think that being round and supported in the center would be necessary, though maybe the traditional cymbal look would be good for asthetic reasons. |
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So, are we talking safety glass (tempered) or plate glass? While safety glass will undoubtably be safer and possibly give more consistent results, plate glass may have a more desireable sound. |
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"Their last number was technically a smash hit. But
nobody cared for it." |
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Do you enjoy listening to heavy metal or any of its variant
genres? If not, then no, you probably don't get it. |
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Lay on some classic Zep and really grok what Bonzo could
do with his kit, then imagine millions of glittering shards
raining down amid the toms and armature as he thrashed
his way through 'Rock 'n' Roll' or 'The Immigrant Song'.
Maybe loosen your imagination with an adult beverage or
two. Before long, the soul of the glass cymbal will engulf
you. |
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If only this invention could have been realized before the
great basher's demise. |
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I wonder what visual effects could be generated by a
laser(s) shone through and off of the vibrating
cymbal. Complete failure, I imagine, would also be
quite flashy. |
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One could gently and nondestructively play these glass cymbals with fingers or moistened chamois on sticks, in the same manner as one plays the tops of wine glasses. |
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What is the relationship between the size & shape of the glass, and its acoustic spectrum on being smashed? Someone must have done a serious research paper on this subject! |
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I think both the type and the size matter. Modern
window glasses tend to break up into many tiny
pieces, quite a high-pitched noise. I've heard a huge
old fashioned pane being broken, more of a "clang"
than a "ptsssshh". There's lots of scope here. |
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Bottles and jars also make distinctive fast, tinkly crashes. |
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I'm picturing the most interesting way to play these
would be to drum a beat out on the glass before
breaking it similar to what you'd do on a high hat or a
ride cymbal. |
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So it wouldn't just be for crash cymbals. I think it
would be interesting to hear how the tone changed
as the glass became increasingly stressed. The
drummer would soon become practiced in using the
breaking point musically to punctuate the single
stroke, double strokes, flams, paradiddles etc. (yes,
paradiddle is a word) |
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"tink tink tink tink tink tonk taaaaashhhh" (new
cymbal) "tink tink tink tink tink tonk taaaaashhhh" |
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Breaking cymbals is a hallmark of poorly skilled drummer, IMHO
Oh, and Bah Humbug |
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//Breaking cymbals is a hallmark of poorly skilled
drummer, IMHO
Oh, and Bah Humbug// |
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What?! The man has the hands of a surgeon...
literally. Unfortunately the surgeon in question
had the hands of an overenthusiastic metal
drummer who wrote drum parts while 100% fresh,
then had to play the same parts after playing all
the other songs he wrote while 100% fresh. |
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Restraint is a dirty word for metal drummers. |
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As a very positive consequence, we often had
buckets of willow and oak sticks to use on the
Annual Pandemik 5-Species-minimum BBBQ* |
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* The extra "B" is for "BYOC**" |
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I think I already know the new advertising tagline. "Glass: Clearly the Best Status Cymbal" |
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Since everybody's watching you on the big screens,
why not make an app for drummer videos with all
kinds of effects that go with your live music? |
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The cymbals could be replaced with glass ones,
exploding when hit hard, and fire can emit from the
guitarists fingers, smoke emitting from the sax and
thunder hitting the singer every once in a while
when she goes completely off tune. |
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"About as useful as a pair of glass cymbals," seems like a useful remark. |
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//The cymbals could be replaced with glass ones,
exploding when hit hard, and fire can emit from
the guitarists fingers, smoke emitting from the sax
and thunder hitting the singer every once in a
while when she goes completely off tune.// |
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You realize that the current biggest acts in metal
are THE SAME as the biggest acts in metal 5 years
ago, and 10, and 15,20,25.... |
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app? these are people with a keen nose* for
authenticity who like it when things actually blow
up. |
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*eyes and ears having taken a beating, naturally. |
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// fire can emit from the guitarists fingers // |
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There was a shock metal band in the early 90s whose name
I can't remember, probably because they were entirely
unmemorable except for the lead guitarist's instrument
which was hooked to an offstage propane tank and rigged
to emit 6-8" flames from the headstock and the top half of
the neck. I saw about three minutes of their act on MTV
some twenty years ago and that was enough. |
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We had a sound-sensitive strobe in the bass
drums, or tried to at least, turns out you need to
be quite clever about triggering them, they work
OK when each drum is played individually, add the
lot together and it's a mess. It did look as if the
drummer's pedal beaters were only ever in one
place though. |
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The main point was so that we could give out a
safety warning before gigs. Having to give out a
safety warning is more metal than not. Thems the
rules. |
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Maybe no one caught the very apropos Spinal Tap reference here. It took me a few years. Delayed gratification is still gratifying. |
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I think this would be more popular with the drummer
than with the musicians. |
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The first and fifth Google search results are a Usenet thread from 1998
where nobody had a definitive answer for the definition of this word.
The fourth is a blog post quoting that thread. |
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There is also the following definition from Oxford: |
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// A commercial cooking appliance with power-driven rotating spits for
roasting meat. |
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A trademark in the United Kingdom. // |
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// (Proprietary name for) a kind of rotisserie oven. // |
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And WordUsage gives an example of using the word to refer to a baggage
carousel. |
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When rock/metal is being discussed, it's safe to
assume Spinal Tap is being referenced consistently. |
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A drummer with glass cymbals is sort of a Foley artist, so maybe just stock up on breakables and dedicate someone – call ‘em a Foley musician or something like that – and have a vast range of smashy-crashy sounds on hand. |
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The sounds they get from vegetables is amazing. Watch “Berberian Sound Studio”. |
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