h a l f b a k e r yRIFHMAO
(Rolling in flour, halfbaking my ass off)
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Glasgow used to have a ferocious reputation for violence, and was once infamous for its razor gangs. The Glasgow Handshake was the name given to that most certain of deal breakers - the head butt.
Unfortunately the Glasgow Handshake is no longer possible in an age where the wearing of protective faceshields
has become commonplace. Many clouds have a silver lining, and in this case the opportunity has presented to create a simple modification to the plastic visor facemask.
The Glasgow Handshake Mask enables the wearer to still deliver a version of the famous head butt, with a difference. The padded band that holds the face visor against the forehead now has an extra feature that takes the form of an auto ink pad stamp.
Now when the 'traditional' head butt is delivered, instead of crunching the opponent's head, a harmless celebratory message is stamped in place using nice bright coloured ink. This can then be worn like a souvenir of the once savage encounter.
Choose from a variety of symbols words and colours, but "Welcome to Glasgow you sad minger" is popular, supplemented with a graphic depiction of a caricature Scot lifting his kilt and exposing his bare arse. For a small charge in any number of Glasgow's rougher public houses, a visitor may now actually pay to receive a tradition Glasgow Handshake, only delivered with health and safety foremost in the encounter.
Note - replacing the harmlessly soft stamp device with a metal studded, bone crunching arrangement is not an idea the manufacturers endorse.
Visored bascinets
https://en.wikipedi...t#Visored_bascinets
"... gave better protection to the face ... also improved ventilation ..." [8th of 7, Jul 31 2020]
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The "Hounskull" bascinet <link> looks like it's well overdue for a comeback; nut your opponent with the "beak", then as they lie writhing in pain in a pool of their own blood, point at them, laugh loudly and shout "Fashion victim !" |
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It's a cool and calm place now compared to what it
once was, now featuring for example the most
vegan restaurants of any UK city outside of
London. |
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// the most vegan restaurants // |
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We fear you may have misunderstood. In London, a "vegan restaurant" is an eating establishment which serves vegan meals- free from animal products. |
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In Glesgae, a "vegan restaurant" is also an eating establishment, but one in which humans espousing a meat-free lifestyle are skewered on a long iron spit and then slowly roasted over an open fire until cooked, while the slavering patrons amuse themselves by consuming vast quantities of Buckie, Carlsberg Special Brew, Methylated spirit and white cider, all with whisky chasers. In some ways it resembles the opening "Black Monolith" scene from 2001, but much more depressing because there's clearly no prospect of the jocks ever evolving into a sentient life-form. |
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I actually live in Glasgow but I'm not Scottish. Don't tell
anybody. |
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[Chronic] its not clear which of those two attributes is more embarearseing to you |
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//while the slavering patrons amuse themselves by consuming vast quantities of Buckie, Carlsberg Special Brew, Methylated spirit and white cider, all with whisky chasers.// You forgot the iron brew and deep fried Mars bars. |
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