h a l f b a k e r yProfessional croissant on closed course. Do not attempt.
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I humbly volunteer to head up a new organization to end the scourge of whining worldwide. Whining has been the bane of parents' existence since time immemorial, and I propose to delve into the genetic triggers that foment this irritating and loathsome practice. In my younger days, I too suffered from
this social malady, and yet somehow overcame it...or so I thought. Apparently, this defective genetic element was passed on to my own children through no direct actions on my part, hence my theory that the cause MUST be genetic. I never taught them to whine (Although I suspect my wife), and despite my best efforts to the contrary, (i.e:"Stop whining!") the dysfunction flourishes.
Now before you judge this idea, bear in mind that the point is not whether there is actually a cure for whining, but if the foundation would be profitable. No one can deny that properly placed solicitations (Donation forms at the end of toy store aisles comes to mind) would generate copious and generous financial considerations.
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There is no doubt a strong selective advantage to whining, once all parents carry the gene preventing them from killing their offspring on a whim. Whining occurs in all species where parents provide care for their young. In addition, louder whining may provide on sibling an advantage (more resources obtained from parent) over other siblings which might not be so loud. |
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Do not be so fast to undo what million of years of evolution has done. It might be like pulling that annoying thread on your sweater. |
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I would be receptive to an invention which diverts the urge to whine into expressions which were less annoying. Until then, carp for you. |
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"My baby starved to death! I don't understand! He never complained at all! Not once!" |
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Note: I used the term "Whining" very specifically over crying or other forms of a child signifying duress or discomfort. Perhaps the point about one child whining louder than another providing them an advantage may have given them a perceived advantage over their siblings, parents giving in and greasing the squeakiest wheel just to shut them up inflames and reinforces the initial genetic propensity. Any parent with more than one child whining all at the same time has my condolences, as well as my expectation of a more generous contribution, especially during the christmas shopping season. |
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Is whining considered worse than than screaming, crying, stamping feet or shouting "I want I want I want I want"? Possibly you could breed silent children with a red light on their head that lights up when they're in imminent risk of death. And maybe give them voice boxes when they're 25 years old. |
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"Whining has been the bane of parents' existence since time immemorial, and I propose to delve into the genetic triggers that foment this irritating and loathsome practice."
Aw, stop your whining. |
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But *I* want an oompah loompah Noooooooowwww! |
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