h a l f b a k e r yNot so much a thought experiment as a single neuron misfire.
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Gavel Fighting
A new martial art for judges, using their native weapon. | |
Judge Johnson sighed as he approached the door of the Supreme
Court building. It wasn't every day that someone had to make such
an important decision, he thought. The Judge stepped outside and
found himself face
to face with a group of mean-looking thugs.
"How dare you vote for legalizing gay
marriage." One of them
rasped.
"Marriage should be between a man and a woman alone. Get-im!"
The ragged strangers
lurched toward the judge, hands grasping for his throat. Johnson
calmly reached inside his robe and drew out his trusty gavel.
Two minutes later, the assailants lay in a pile on the Court's steps,
sweaty, red-faced, and gasping. They were all covered in odd
circular bruises exactly four and a half inches in diameter. The
Judge
chuckled and slowly thwacked the wooden hammer against his left
palm.
"The law always wins, boys." He said. "The law always wins."
(?) Prior...uh, art?
http://www.girlfigh...ng-with-hammer.html
[normzone, Nov 13 2009]
[link]
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in many cases the judge acts as the simple referee in the contest between the prosecution and the defense to be decided by the jury. In cases of no-contest or where the judgment of the jurist rather that a jury is requested the judge may act partially. It seems an odd condition to call the justices of supreme courts "judges" when really they are nothing but a very powerful jury. Since judges must rule within the confines of existing law they are little to blame when their rulings upset the commoner, the commoner should take their tight panties to the representatives and go toe to toe. Needless to say I see this as a solution, (a neat image), seeking a problem. Damn gavels break if you crack nuts with them anyway. |
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... hammers are a typical medevi... medaevi.. medeival... buggrit... weapon from the middle-ages. |
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those desks that judges sit behind are seriously sized. I bet you could get some major low-frequency booming action happening if redesigned properly instead of the mostly high-frequency "crack" sound of a gavel hitting it's base. |
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A very surreal example of a very improbable, but
almost workable, martial art. |
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They could probably throw the sound blocks that
they tend to bang the gavel against as well ... |
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Somehow the suggestion of Scalia with lethal gavel in hand begs for some form of gavel control. An NGA lobby right now would be just one more distraction from the real perils* facing our country. |
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* e.g., Scalia with pen in hand |
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I would even like to see judge vs. judge fights. Judy vs. Milian, Brown vs. Mathis, Wapner vs. Ito.. The possibilities are endless! |
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My money's on Judge Dredd |
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I rather like this. I don't know if judges in the US go in for the whole wig, robes and wing collar thing but I think you could develop quite a spectacular and, dare I say it, graceful martial art based on judges accoutrements.
"Aha, foul miscreant! See how I bring you down with my Famous Boomerang Wing Collar move. And now there is no escape from my Overpowering Full Court Dress! Finally, see now how I disable you with the Ferocious Bench Press and finish you off with my Mighty and Magnificent Gavel of Ultimate Judgement! Justice is served! Court is adjourned! Could someone bring me a nice cup of tea please?" |
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They've already got the black robes. |
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Yes, I always did think that judges in their robes looked like
martial artists. Though more of the "Mighty and Wise Elder"
type then the "Punch-Kick Badass" type. I can, though,
picture a judge giving the beatdown to some miscreant all
the while shouting "Order! Order! Order in the court!". |
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I suppose they could move up on their belt levels, too. Like - hey, I want the judge with the gold belt! |
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