h a l f b a k e r yVeni, vidi, teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini.
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I seem to have taken to not using the first cubical
in the loos in the shopping centre, and always use
the second one. Not smoking the first cigarette in
the pack etc. Presumably next is not drinking the
first cup of coffee.
Promoting this kind of stuff will boost coffee shop
trade and
shoeleather.
No, this is not a call for a list, as I'll have to delete
the first anno and go for the second one.
Unless someone posts two annos and deletes the
second one.
The Adventure of the Second Stain
https://en.wikipedi...of_the_Second_Stain
A prime example. [8th of 7, Dec 07 2015]
My slightly naff Holmes/ Lovecraft pastiche
https://drive.googl...ew?usp=docslist_api
Charles Stross, eat your heart out.. [not_morrison_rm, Dec 13 2015]
[link]
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The problem with this, is that: |
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(a) There is no way to identify the first cigarette in a
pack and |
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(b) If the first cigarette (were it to be identifiable) is
unsmokeable, it follows that the next cigarette is
actually the first smokeable cigarette, which
means... |
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Am I allowed to read [MB]’s anno above? |
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"Egad!" exploded Holmes,
"What?! What on earth is the matter?" I retorted
bewilderedly, as Holmes sat bolt-upright in his felt-
bedraped wing-back, sending motes up the chimney with
the violence of his sudden animation.
He gesticulated wildly at the fading screen of his laptop,
the text a blur from my position across the room, but the
familiarly positioned croissant in the upper-left of the
screen giving me the visual queue I needed to understand
his outburst.
"Not the halfbakery again?" I sighed, resignedly.
"Much to my regret, yes."
" What on earth is it this week, it's not that one who
turned up posting all kinds of stuff left, right and centre
again is it?"
"No, I sort of skipped over that, didn't really bother me,
much - just a minor annoyance."
"Is it those god-damned orrereys again?"
At this, Holmes tapped his pipe, not in annoyance
exactly, his aquiline features giving little away directly, but I
sensed something in him tauten, briefly, before fading
away.
"No, but it seems that somehow, an idea has been posted,
using an ill-judged adjective. Of all the words available in
the English language, with its near infinite capacity for
expression, depth, and precision; Pray, tell me Watson,
what does the word 'Holmesian' ", he paused for breath, "
mean to you?"
I was about to reply with my earnest impressions, but he must
have felt this previous had been in the rhetorical, because
he continued,
"In your experience, Watson, these last few years, of
which we have shared our acquaintance, the duringstance
through-ought we've solved many a devilish spree, plot,
scam or contrivance, have you ever found me to be
exhibit superstitious, ritualistic or irrational behaviours
the likes of which might be considered paranoiac?"
"There was that time when you spent 5 nights without
sleep, fuelled only be nicotine and cocaine, you were
kind of twitchy then."
"Yes, yes!" he blurted impatiently, "but even then would
you ever consider me to be someone who might, for
example, skip the 1st cigarillo in the humidor? Or forgo
the first wheeze of opium out of some belief in...I admit
it Watson, I have no apprehension as to what drives one
to such endeavours - and yet to ascribe such behaviours
with a designation such as this - It's quite outrageous!"
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zen-tom, I thought you were Dutch. English fluent, yes, but still a continental. That, however, is a masterpiece. I am especially loving "duringstance". I will now go see if that is really a word. If yes, I have been educated. If not I am delighted that you could coin such an excellent Victorianism. |
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Ha! Not a word! I love it! More Holmesian than Holmes! Well done, sir. |
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I was thinking more Barrett Homes. Of course
I wouldn't be buying the first house.
Attempting to not use the first zero of the byte
does tend to ==-_%//*# unpredictably. |
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And yet Holmes by his own admission was guilty of at least one example .... <link> |
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id onsider eaving ut he irst etter f ach ord, ut
hat ould e illy. |
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Hey [Bungston] I used to travel a fair bit with work, so maybe you got the
Continental notion that way, I'm quite fascinated by the thought that I might
come across as Dutch though - it does seem rather specific for you to have
arrived to that conclusion entirely randomly. |
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I'm not sure it's relevant here, but I grew up reading children's and adventure
fiction by E. Nesbitt, Robert Louis Stevenson, Kipling, Defoe, Dickens, H.G.
Wells, Lewis Carroll, Edward Lear and of course Sir Arthur Ignatius Conan Doyle
himself - all of whom share (to some degree) a particular voice, into which I
seem to slip all too readily, and this may explain a somewhat anachronistic
delivery sometimes. |
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<old joke>"Holmes", gasped Watson, "Pray explain why you are forcing citrus fruits up my bottom!"
"A lemon entry, my dear Watson...".</old joke> |
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It makes sense that you are a native English speaker, zen tom. I have you confused with a Dutch baker. Someone will remind me who that is. |
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It is zeno. Same first 3 letters! |
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Somewhere in the country, Eamon Holmes is on the phone to his lawyers about this idea. |
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Yes, but is he using the first set of lawyers in
the yellow pages... |
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Decided to blight your neurones with my very
own Holmes pastiche, see linky etc |
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