h a l f b a k e r yKeep out of reach of children.
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So, I'm sitting on the porch (not my porch, but that's not the issue), enjoying the sunshine, enjoying not so much the cloud of flying insects bouncing off my head and occasionally landing to see if I'm good to eat.
So...
A lighweight skullcap with an attached ribbiter. Frogs are amphibians so
you'd have to spray it with water occasionally.
Frog Hat
http://www.youtube....watch?v=Cfj0_IBMfGQ
[Private Boney Bunney, May 07 2013]
[link]
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Would a chameleon not be (a) more fashionable (b)
easier to colour-coordinate with your subcranial
apparel and (3) more tolerant of dryth? |
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I am with you on this, pending clarity on the means of frog attachment. |
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I was considering retirement opportunites for those devastated in the Great Froglegs Massacre; barring that I believe a marketing campaign emphasizing travel opportunities, diet variety, and the advantages of a "higher ground" feeding platform would suffice. Or a harness. |
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Frequently when somebody says "but that's not the issue" it
turns out that 'that' is the issue, so let's hear more about
this porch that isn't yours. |
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I think it might have to be a matched sets of frogs hat, as otherwise the most genki (energetic) frog will catch the most flies, thereby exerting a net pulling motion on your head, as the tongue comes back with the added mass of the flies. Whereas the lazy frog on the other side creates no counteracting force. |
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I suspect over a period of as little as one millennia, this could cause a sore neck. |
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Factoring in the uneven torsion applied as the more
gluttonous frog increases its mass, I think that estimate
quite conservative. |
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Having picked up a century old icebox, a couple bags of ice to make sure it was working properly, and a six-pack to make sure the ice was working properly, I was on my way home. |
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Driving past an obviously abandoned house: windows boarded up, weeds extraordinare, etc. etc., something clicks: it's a nice day out and I've no appointments for the afternoon. |
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So I set the icebox on the porch as well as the chairs and table I usually keep in the back, and a decent'ish novel (Scalzi's "Redshirts": up to his usual good standards but I'm not a fan of "meta" stories; I expected it to go in a different direction than it did). |
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Accompanied by cold drink, fresh food (half a sub and a small container of coleslaw that I had put into the refrigerator portion of the icebox "for later") and a sunny day, Nirvana was broken only by the swarms of insects that insisted on body-slamming my face for some unknown reason. |
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Hence the need for a large hungry frog. |
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Plenty of looks from inside passing vehicles and the occasional thumbs-up, including a couple cops who slowed down just long enough to discern that I wasn't harbouring any donuts and continued on their way. |
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If the frogs were arranged in plastic tubes, tangential to diameter of hat, it might be possible to make it spin, providing some cooling breeze for the head. |
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Why not a single high-capacity frog mounted on a tongue-
actuated turret? |
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You know those electric blue light flykilling boxes? |
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In the same vein, you could create a sort of frogbox with an army of frog perches.
I like the thought of lots of little licky tongues shooting out
- very Flintstonesque. |
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Predictably, I'm going for a gatling-style frog-gun, with a shoulder mount like the Predator wossername. |
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Each frog is loaded in a cannister (with a hole in the front for the tongue) in a barrel, when it reaches its 13 insects maximum digestive track load, the cannister is swapped out with a fresh frog. |
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Even the stupidest insects eventually to recognise the awesome sound of 6000 "ribbits"* per minute and learn to avoid personkind. |
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Hey, it worked for the Statue of Liberty. |
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We've become rather fond of her, certainly. |
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//According to Wiki Answers, a particularly
gluttonous frog may consume up to 13 bugs in a
day// That number comes from some highly
questionable research, and the "bugs" used in the
study were stout bluebottles. |
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According to Dr. Toby Carter of Anglia Ruskin
University, a stouthearted English frog (Rana
temporaria) will eat up to 20 grams of fruit-flies
per day, at a temperature of 22°C. That's roughly
20,000 fruit-flies. |
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Oddly, the Panamanian Golden Frog will actually
eat itself to death if given an unlimited supply of
easy-to-catch insects. It will just keep on eating
until its intestines actually burst. I get like that
sometimes myself. |
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Get what? an unlimited supply of easy-to-catch insects? |
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//an unlimited supply of easy-to-catch insects? |
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As long as he's not scaring the servants and horses etc |
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Anyway, what we really need is one augmented frog. Sensors on the nerves for the tongue are amplified to wield the 10 metre exo-tongue as it scythes across the air catching flies, birds, small yappy dogs and small children, then deposits them in a hopper to be composted. |
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