h a l f b a k e r yCall Ambulance,
Rebuild Kitchen.
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Would a chameleon not be (a) more fashionable (b)
easier to colour-coordinate with your subcranial
apparel and (3) more tolerant of dryth? |
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I am with you on this, pending clarity on the means of frog attachment. |
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I was considering retirement opportunites for those devastated in the Great Froglegs Massacre; barring that I believe a marketing campaign emphasizing travel opportunities, diet variety, and the advantages of a "higher ground" feeding platform would suffice. Or a harness. |
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Frequently when somebody says "but that's not the issue" it
turns out that 'that' is the issue, so let's hear more about
this porch that isn't yours. |
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I think it might have to be a matched sets of frogs hat, as otherwise the most genki (energetic) frog will catch the most flies, thereby exerting a net pulling motion on your head, as the tongue comes back with the added mass of the flies. Whereas the lazy frog on the other side creates no counteracting force. |
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I suspect over a period of as little as one millennia, this could cause a sore neck. |
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Factoring in the uneven torsion applied as the more
gluttonous frog increases its mass, I think that estimate
quite conservative. |
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Having picked up a century old icebox, a couple bags of ice to make sure it was working properly, and a six-pack to make sure the ice was working properly, I was on my way home. |
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Driving past an obviously abandoned house: windows boarded up, weeds extraordinare, etc. etc., something clicks: it's a nice day out and I've no appointments for the afternoon. |
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So I set the icebox on the porch as well as the chairs and table I usually keep in the back, and a decent'ish novel (Scalzi's "Redshirts": up to his usual good standards but I'm not a fan of "meta" stories; I expected it to go in a different direction than it did). |
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Accompanied by cold drink, fresh food (half a sub and a small container of coleslaw that I had put into the refrigerator portion of the icebox "for later") and a sunny day, Nirvana was broken only by the swarms of insects that insisted on body-slamming my face for some unknown reason. |
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Hence the need for a large hungry frog. |
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Plenty of looks from inside passing vehicles and the occasional thumbs-up, including a couple cops who slowed down just long enough to discern that I wasn't harbouring any donuts and continued on their way. |
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If the frogs were arranged in plastic tubes, tangential to diameter of hat, it might be possible to make it spin, providing some cooling breeze for the head. |
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Why not a single high-capacity frog mounted on a tongue-
actuated turret? |
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You know those electric blue light flykilling boxes? |
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In the same vein, you could create a sort of frogbox with an army of frog perches.
I like the thought of lots of little licky tongues shooting out
- very Flintstonesque. |
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Predictably, I'm going for a gatling-style frog-gun, with a shoulder mount like the Predator wossername. |
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Each frog is loaded in a cannister (with a hole in the front for the tongue) in a barrel, when it reaches its 13 insects maximum digestive track load, the cannister is swapped out with a fresh frog. |
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Even the stupidest insects eventually to recognise the awesome sound of 6000 "ribbits"* per minute and learn to avoid personkind. |
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Hey, it worked for the Statue of Liberty. |
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We've become rather fond of her, certainly. |
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//According to Wiki Answers, a particularly
gluttonous frog may consume up to 13 bugs in a
day// That number comes from some highly
questionable research, and the "bugs" used in the
study were stout bluebottles. |
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According to Dr. Toby Carter of Anglia Ruskin
University, a stouthearted English frog (Rana
temporaria) will eat up to 20 grams of fruit-flies
per day, at a temperature of 22°C. That's roughly
20,000 fruit-flies. |
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Oddly, the Panamanian Golden Frog will actually
eat itself to death if given an unlimited supply of
easy-to-catch insects. It will just keep on eating
until its intestines actually burst. I get like that
sometimes myself. |
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Get what? an unlimited supply of easy-to-catch insects? |
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//an unlimited supply of easy-to-catch insects? |
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As long as he's not scaring the servants and horses etc |
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Anyway, what we really need is one augmented frog. Sensors on the nerves for the tongue are amplified to wield the 10 metre exo-tongue as it scythes across the air catching flies, birds, small yappy dogs and small children, then deposits them in a hopper to be composted. |
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