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1. Obtain an old albatross.
2. Feed the albatross lavishly and look after it carefully until it expires of old age (oddly, there is no animal cruelty involved in this idea).
3. Extend the wings fully (into the gliding position) and hold them there with a frame.
4. Immerse the Albatross
into liquid nitrogen.
5. Remove the now rigid albatross from the nitrogen. Tie a line round it.
6. Take it to a large open space and fly it as a kite.
How to shatter an Albatross
http://www.questaco...d_Nitrogen_Show.pdf
The science behind Liquid NO2 [Elhoy, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Plastination
http://www.plastina...sh/plastination.htm
[hippo, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Albatross to be extinct within 25 years.
http://news.bbc.co....2841000/2841325.stm
BBC News story about the danger to albatrosses from fishing lines. [DrBob, Oct 04 2004, last modified Oct 21 2004]
[link]
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5b. For true 008 showmanship, put albatross around child's/cat's neck |
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As I read this idea, I
associated a frozen albatross
with ice - which is quite
heavy - and immediately
thought to fishbone this... I
then came to my senses and
realised that an albatross is
a bird - known for its long
haul flying capability. So
there'll be a pastry wingin'
its way to you. |
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Presumably you could do this to other birds that mostly glide, e.g. vultures and the like. |
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Sick but I like it [+] Although I'd like mine with a model aeroplane motor in it. |
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daft question no 1. is this how freeze drying woiks?
daft question no 2. if the answer to daft question no 1 is No, then won't these dead boids go all floppy again? |
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Vanilla. "Bleedin' albatross flavour." |
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Freeze drying normally works by cooling the item to be dried below zero, then reducing the atmospheric pressure so that the moisture sublimes out (goes directly from solid to vapour phase). But we thought it would be more eco-friendly to let the Albatross dry slowly in the breeze ...... |
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What if someone shoots the albatross? Say, an elderly sailor. |
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Flying it in the rain would be a problem, tending to cause floppiness in the avian aerofoil. Also, the whole albatross/curse aspect might frighten off small children from using it. |
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[brenna]: If he is an elderly sailor, chances are he'll be superstitious - and he won't shoot it cos it's bad luck. |
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Is it bad luck to shoot an Albatross that's already dead ? Besides, the "Ancient Mariner" is only ancient by the time he accosts the wedding guests. He was shirley substantially younger when he made his fateful voyage ? |
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It would only be good for those skilled at kite-flying and even then should have some kind of soft-landing feature (parachute), as freeze-dried stuff tends to be on the brittle side. [see link] |
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Well, that stoppeth one of three. |
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Hm. It won't fit in a glass, will it? |
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Alternatively, the Plastination Albatross Kite. |
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// tends to be on the brittle side // |
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Plastination .... yes, actually we were thinking about some sort of preservative acrylic resin impregnation process. Gliders built on a Balsa wood frame tend to suffer damage on landing; the Albatross Kite would be similarly vulnerable without a parachute soft-landing system. |
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Hehe – now *this* is literal! (+) |
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I'd like to see some Freeze Dried Albatross Fighter Kites |
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(-) on the grounds of imminent extinction of source material. |
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Preserve nature - pickle an albatross. |
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[DrBob], we don't see how keeping an elderly
albatross in ease and comfort represents a
threat to the wild population. And we never
saw this as a big seller ..... we too are in
favour of saving the Albatross wild
population. |
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8th, sorry. You misunderstand. I wasn't going to fall into the trap of accusing you of anti-whatever after you had so carefully outlined your plan for providing the albatross with a comfortable old age. I merely meant that there aren't going to be any old albatrosses around for you to implement* your plan with.
* note: original typo on this word was 'impolement' which I leave for others to define, as I can't think about it without giggling insanely. |
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"Any Old Albatrosses" sounds like the title of a surreal 19-th century music hall ditty ........ |
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My uncle developed a tuna long line fishing line that the
albatross dont take, I think he won an award for it but I'm
not sure how widely used it is |
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A freeze-dried Blue Whale carcass, filled with unrealistic amounts of helium, would definitely make for an an interesting, icey-albatross-proof balloon. |
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sick and twisted in a good way, i like it. |
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I once tried making gliders out of dead birds. I never got one to work very well, but they weren't properly dried. Butterflies worked better. |
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//impolement// (Noun) The act or occasion of a polesitter's taking up his or her station atop a pole. |
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"I used to be quite the cross country unicyclist. 'Course, that was before my impolement. Now, it's just headstands, jogging on the spot, and albatross kiting." |
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I can see how such a revivification scheme would appeal to a borg. But the problem here is that at a distance (as kites often are), passers-by will not ken that this is a real mummified bird but rather perceive a lifelike kite. Only if a sailor shoots it and is then compelled to wear it as a cravat and then zombies come out of the ocean will people realize its true nature. It is the same problem intrinsic to the remote controlled rat mummy scheme: they move fast and so people either think it is a real rat or a fake rat. They never guess robot mummy rat. |
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When a live albatross flies, the only downward force is its
weight. When flown as a kite, it's the weight plus the
tension in the string. So the aerodynamics will have to be
different for the frozen albatross kite. I suppose you could
do
this by increasing the angle of attack, but then what's the
point of using an albatross, rather than an ordinary kite? |
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[spidermother]'s got the right idea: freeze the albatross
then throw it off a cliff, like a very large paper airplane. |
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A great bird scarer could be made this way, in the form of a freeze-dried eagle kite, hawk kite, or (obligatory) kite kite. |
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Yes, I really tried using birds as gliders. Problems I had may have included: |
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1. The dead birds I happened to find in good enough condition were not particularly good gliding species. |
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2. I assumed that a recently dead bird would be correctly weighted to glide, kind of by definition; but they seemed to have too much weight concentrated in the middle. Drying them and then applying the right amount of weight at the beak end may have worked better, but I didn't get around to trying that. [Edit: I meant recently deceased. They continued to be dead.] |
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The butterflies were completely dry, and set with the wings at a fairly steep dihedral, and carefully weighted at the front. They worked surprisingly well - about like a good paper plane. |
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My guess is that thermalling birds would make better kites, while gliding birds would make better gliders. Freeze-dried vulture kite? |
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