h a l f b a k e r yI like this idea, only I think it should be run by the government.
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The conifers used as Christmas trees, along with their artificial equivalents, exhibit (like many natural structures) fractal characteristics. The trunk divides into branches, which systematically subdivide, then divide into thinner branches, covered in needles.
So BorgCo are now exclusively offering
a genuinely fractal artificial Christmas tree.
Like the normal tree, the branches subdivide, and are covered with artificial "needles", but closer examination reveals that these needles consist of a tapered core, covered in even tinier needles. Fetch an magnifying glass, and you'll see that even these needles consist of, once again, a core which branches into numerous little needles.
A tunnelling electron microscope inevitably reveals that this fractal structure continues down to the atomic level.
At the tip of each main branch is a small Christmas tree ornament, which is illuminated. If you look closely at these lights, you'll see that not only is it constructed on the same fractal principle as the main tree, but the lights consist of clusters of even tinier light sources. A magnifying glass allows you to see that each light source is an assembly of smaller sources, and so on until at the lowest level the sources sequentially emit single photons ...
Fractal Christmas trees. Be the envy of all your mathematician friends ! Not available in the shops ! You know you want one ...
[link]
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those needles seem dangerous. don't let the cat near... |
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<Decides not to mention catnip sachets attached to trunk/> |
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//this fractal structure continues down to the atomic level// So it stops there? So its not actually fractal, just imitation? |
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What do you expect for $29.99 plus tax and shipping ? Benoit Mandelbrot to tun up in person with the tree and a whiteboard, then deliver a series of two-hour lectures on advanced mathematics ? |
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It's an artificial fractal tree. A real fractal tree is much more expensive, indeed infinitely so. |
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If you fed Mandelbrot into one of those industrial shredders, would you get bowls of Mangled Broth? |
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Sounds like it would be a nightmare to dust |
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Indeed; perhaps we can interest you in one of our BorgCo fractal brushes ? The bristles have infinite surface area for captuing dust. |
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Yes but they're not durable; the ends keep shedding fractal dust. |
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If the tree material were at all oxidisable, a fractal tree
would be explosive. |
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Wait until the catnip has done its work. |
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I've never really understood what you have against cats, [8th].
They are noble creatures, tracing their association with
humans back to the earliest days of civilisation. They are
supreme survivors, adapting well to even the most punishing
conditions - dry or wet, baking hot or sub-zero. They can
consume 20% of their bodyweight in water given the
opportunity, but can then go without water for weeks if needs
be. They are sure-footed, susceptible to very few diseases,
and can live on a wide range of foods. They are, in short,
superb animals. |
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No, hang on. That's camels. Shit - that explains the damage
to the catflap. |
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... and our Schrödinger experiment box, too. |
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What about the terrible all-pervading stench of ancient, rotting carpets ? Or have the camels got used to your Great-Aunt Moribunda's little personal hygiene issue ? |
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How about a Hoberman Xmas tree? |
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Easy to store, certainly. |
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I'm told that a fractal tree can be made by attaching a dozen
or so fractal trees to a central trunk. |
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Has BorgCo developed a more cost-effective process? |
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Well, one that makes us more money, yes, if that's what you're asking ... |
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//attaching a dozen or so fractal trees to a central trunk.
// |
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You know, that would make a cool project. I mean, collect
all the discarded Christmas trees and assemble them
iteratively into a 6th- or even 7th-degree giant
pseudofractal tree. |
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A tree-squared construct would, presumably, have a
complete Christmas tree representing each needle of a
normal tree. This would require something on the order of
500,000 regular Christmas trees - clearly doable. |
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Apart from the fact that a 6th order tree would extrapolate to about 4096km in diameter at the base of the trunk, we forsee no problems whatsoever. |
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Meanwhile, back at the Hoberman xmas tree.. |
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//a 6th order tree would extrapolate to about 4096km// I'm
not sure why. A standard tree is third or fourth order, with a
trunk diameter of maybe 10cm, and a ratio of about 10 per
order. So, a fourth-order tree would have a 1m trunk, a 5th
would be 10m, and a 6th would be 100m. A little large for a
container, but fine for even a modest arboretum. |
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