h a l f b a k e r yRenovating the wheel
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So, living in America, I' am occasionally called upon to
provide my opinion regarding one or more of the local
sports. I was recently asked: "so which d'ya think is
tougher, hockey (they mean Ice Hockey) or football (they
mean American Hand-egg)?". I didn't really get chance
to
answer the
question, in fact I'm pretty sure it was a
question designed to whip the entire bar into some form
of
weird frenzy.
I don't really care which is tougher... the sport with the
300lb sprinters or the sport with the helmets-off fist
fights, because as a representative of civilization, I'm
stepping in to solve the problem.
Take a standard American Football field, make it into an
ice rink. Put everyone on skates and play American
football, allow fights. Done.
Speed skaters can get up to 40mph, whereas those slow
"sprinters" in American Football get up to about 20. So
we've doubled the speed, in fact if 2 players both get up
to
speed we can have 80mph collisions, practically
guaranteeing certain death.... nothing tougher than
that.
So, Hockey, Football.... both your sports are weedy
compared to bs0's "American Ice Ball", argument over.
If there are any survivors, perhaps they could be
retrained
to play real sports? Nothing says "tough" like facing a
determined pace attack on a swinging wicket when
you've
a suspect forward defensive.
Cricket on Ice
http://articles.lat...n-2015_1_north-pole
Already baked. [DrBob, Feb 21 2013]
...and again.
http://articles.tim...ricolour-expedition
[DrBob, Feb 21 2013]
Extreme – wing-suit flyby
http://www.youtube....watch?v=PCS2VeeQzo8
I'm holding up my hand with only my index finger and little finger extended. [theleopard, Feb 22 2013]
[link]
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First of all, [+]. Sounds like a bloody good larf, mate. |
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Now that's out of the way, let's clear up a couple of things: |
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1. I don't know what 'tougher' means in this context, but it
is a well-known fact that Ice Hockey is the pinnacle of all
team sports. |
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2. Cricket is not a sport. It's some form of psy-ops weapon
intended to baffle people in non-cricket-playing nations
with its absurd manner of play and incomprehensible rules,
thus distracting them from the global economic market
during key times of the year. |
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I forgot to mention, sponsorship to provided by the
companies behind those "beers" with "ice" in the
name. In addition, being on ice might encourage
them to spend just a little less time standing about
while Toyota tries to sell me a Camry. |
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They only call it cricket because that's what you hear
most of the time during its play period. |
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"Referee calls a time out for the Trauma Team to
remove an injured player" |
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Blood, carnage, death, destruction... should be a
winner. [+] |
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I think it would be impossible to find one person
who wouldn't want to see this at least once. As far as
eliciting morbid curiosity this would be up there
with the Hindenburg crash and Zapruder films. |
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Wouldn't want to be the holder for field goal kicks. |
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Brilliant - *if only* for mooting the concept of Full Contact Ice Cricket [+] |
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I suspect that the entire game would hinge around the quarterback sprinting backwards, turning and making a suicidal high speed run at any weakness in the defensive line that he can see. By the time he passes the line of scrimmage he's moving like a bullet and any successful tackle makes a Russian car accident film look tame. I really like the idea, but I don't mind deadly sport. Few injuries, more fatalities, |
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-heritageoakfarm-
Gun powder plot, let it never be forgot. |
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//Full Contact Ice Cricket//a wicket made of ice
brings a whole new meaning to Shane Warne's
"slider". |
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No it doesn't. Nothing about Cricket has 'meaning'. It's just
the slow death-spiral of a vast Victorian-era conspiracy to
corner the market in kapok and neatsfoot liniment. |
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" Wouldn't want to be the holder for field goal kicks. " |
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Yes, [doctorremulac3], and this should also cut down on "running into and/or roughing the kicker" penalties as well. |
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//Nothing about Cricket has 'meaning'.// |
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I beg to differ - what more meaning can be had than an excuse for everyone to sit around in the sun eating and drinking, while in the background, the ancient Druidic rights are carefully performed. |
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Rights ever postponing the Earth's inevitable consumption by the Eldar Ones who jostle one another around their cosmic gate, flapping, gibbering and twitching in anticipation of the 1000 year feast that awaits - if only the gate is left ajar. |
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There's nothing more civilised than a sport that has
breaks for tea. |
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The 'Cricket on Ice' concept is now over twenty years old, and the US is one of the founding members (links). |
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Oh wow - thanks for the links [Dr Bob] - I particularly like the Indian Times one. If only there'd been a British Moon Landing, the idea of placing a silly mid off somewhere in the Sea of Tranquility fills me with the appropriate sense of pride (or would do were it to ever happen). |
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Only in the pages of Steam Punk role playing games & Robert Rankin novels I'm afraid, z_t! |
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But will there be room for the requisite game-fixing,
as apparently we haven't learned to do in our
domestic soccer league? |
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So Cricket has Lovecraftian undertones? Perhaps I should
reconsider my disdain for it. |
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So, Just to recap: the British have played Soccer on a
field consisting of mud, bodies, barbed wire and
mines.... in the middle of one of the bloodiest wars
in history, AND used a Nuclear attack sub to punch a
hole in the ice cap to play cricket against the
Americans, who also brought a nuclear attack sub. |
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Now that this information is in the open, can we all
agree that a little of-piste snowboarding in vulgar
trousers, does not constitute "extreme". |
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I would second, and further suggest that an 'extreme sport'
loses its 'extreme' status the moment it becomes known to
anyone's grandparents andor is given airtime on ABC. It's
gotten to the point that any nutter can do something likely
to cause permanent disability or death whilst wearing a
Red Bull t-shirt and it's automatically labelled an extreme
sport. |
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That wing-suit shit looks pretty extreme. I don't
think it will ever not look extreme. |
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Why would a // a representative of civilization// be living in the united states? I mean what could we possibly offer? |
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How about golf on the moon? |
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Imagine the "snap the whip" play... |
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"OK Alan, it's a 9000 yard, dog-leg to the right, par
3....." |
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''not bad, you avoided the big crater but..... oh no,
it's gone down a lava tube. You'll need more than a
niblick to get that one out." |
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This would be fun to watch. Every field goal kicker would fall over backwards, like Charlie Brown. |
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