h a l f b a k e r y"This may be bollocks, but it's lovely bollocks."
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Football Field With A Black Hole In The Middle, is a football field with a black hole in the middle of the pitch. The black hole is actually a very deep, tapering funnel like shaft, meaning that players can clearly see where it levels out as a type of event horizon on the pitch.
Unwary or foolhardy
players risk falling into its deadly grip if they stray too close with or without the ball. There are no markings for the actual point of no return.... players must use their own judgement as to how close to the deadly curving descent they may venture before their grip fails and they disappear from view as they slide down the gradual slope, clawing in total futility as the grassy surface races past.
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Annotation:
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This might cause arrogant, overvalued professional sportsmen to plummet to their deaths, watched live by a TV audience numbered in millions. |
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How would one maintain the grass? [+] |
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Jabba makes so much more sense as a soccer fan. Pity he
couldn't farm enough moisture to sod a decent pitch. |
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Oooh, oooh ! One of those "flying" cameras, the sort that run on cables, that can hover over the singularity and provide clear, close-up slo-mo of the plummeting player .... |
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// Jabba makes so much more sense as a soccer fan. // |
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... and the Sarlacc makes an awesome referee. No yellow cards there. |
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// Pity he couldn't farm enough moisture to sod a decent pitch. // |
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Who knows ? If two of the vaporators in the north-east sector hadn't begun pinging error messages, history could have been so different... |
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I love Tom Brady. I don't want to see him fall into a hole. But
all the others, it's fine with me. So make the area known to
him so he can cheat, and not fall in, and I'll bun it. |
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Cautious players need never fall in, as they will not ever risk taking the shorter routes across the field afforded by heading along the edge of the event horizon. Total safety is afforded to all those who stick near the perimeter touch lines, leaving the more daring players to select the highly dangerous routes. This means that they can race across with the ball largely unchallenged (unless they slip over the event horizon curve of course....) |
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Would this hole somehow suck the ball towards it, so that players were tempted to stray too close in pursuit? And, if the ball went down the hole, how would the resultant throw-in be done? |
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Yes, and American football or the other more worldly kind ? |
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Ans: all games that feature teams of adults who should be doing something useful, but instead of that spend hours chasing a ball around like idiots on an area of grass, or fake grass. |
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Mowing would be carried out by prisoners as a form or reward/punishment. A prisoner attached to the end of a rope to prevent him/her from tumbling down the hole would mow the grass. I'd probably require them to wear a Donald Trump fake head. |
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// chasing a ball around like idiots // |
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Future pro sports contracts that offer outrageous salaries
could include the requirement of taking greater risks closer to
center pitch than lesser-paid teammates. Fans could bet on
the outcomes as well as the likelihood that pros will make
better career choices. |
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This is the evil (and / or bad tempered)
twin to the miniature golf version of
everything. |
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