h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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I'm announcing the Tiangou Award. If you create a dog
powered vehicle that flies at least 852 feet, the same as
the
first Wright brother's airplane, you will get the following.
1- A plaque with your name and a description of the
vehicle
and pilot.
2- Your place in aviation history.
The
rules are as follows.
1- This must be a heavier than air, propeller driven
aircraft. The aircraft can use lightweight materials but
cannot incorporate lighter than air gas or otherwise
inflated bladders.*
2- The sole power source must be one or more dogs.
3- Control surfaces may be manipulated as necessary via
automation or real time human input via wireless control
so long as they in
no way provide any thrust, forward or upward motion to
the
vehicle.
4- Safety measures must be built in so the animal or
animals won't get hurt in the event of a crash.
5- The craft must be recorded starting from a dead stop,
lifting off the ground far enough that it is clearly seen as
being air-born, flying at least 852 feet and landing safely
with no injury to the canine pilot or pilots.
6- It must be able to take off and fly this distance into
the prevailing wind if there is any. Flying into absolutely
still air will be accepted but the craft will need to make
two flights in opposite directions.
*Except where needed to add protective padding to the
passenger compartment.
The Tiangou lineage
http://1.bp.blogspo...0/s1600/tiangou.jpg
This flying black dog of Chinese legend responsible for eating the sun during a solar eclipse. [doctorremulac3, Jan 06 2018]
Tiangou
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiangou
More about the award namesake. [doctorremulac3, Jan 06 2018]
This video again.
https://www.youtube...watch?v=BWAK0J8Uhzk
Driving dogs. Good stuff. [doctorremulac3, Jan 06 2018]
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Annotation:
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How much heavier than air? If the overall vehicle net
weight is 1 gram heavier than air volume does that
count? |
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Also, are Jack Russells allowed? These animals are
nearly neutrally buoyant and only touch earth to
propel themselves again anyway... |
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You need a rule about taking off from level ground or a glider will do the trick. |
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Hmm. Good points. See additional rules. |
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Here's another: presently as written a dog pulling an
empty kite qualifies, if you allow some liberty with
the meaning of "pilot." |
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Makes me wonder how lightweight I can make a
vacuum container. |
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Kite can't fly into the wind. |
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Not being arbitrary with the rules, it has to duplicate the
specific outlines that were used to design the Gossamer
Albatross. Otherwise people will go "Dog powered? Oh, they
just hooked the poor little fella up to a ballon." |
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"Doctor Remulac?"
"Uh, yes, well, no, I mean..."
"We've come to talk to you about your animal experiments."
"Oh?"
"Yes. So if we can just check your permits first, then we can get on with inspecting the animals' veterinary certificates and the handling conditions before we review your experimental strategies, monitoring arrangements and reporting schedules."
"I'm afraid you'll have to wait until I'm through with the FAA guys..." |
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Hold on, I left my suitcase full of campaign contribution
cash in the pocket of my other pants, I'll be right back." |
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// Safety measures must be built in so the animal or animals won't get hurt in the event of a crash. // |
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How exactly is the term "crash" defined, for the purposes of rule 4? |
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A landing sufficiently forceful that the airframe is not immediately re-useable without repair. |
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Well, the airframe might be unscathed but the animal could
still be hurt. |
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I'd just say don't hurt the dog. We all know what that
means. I'll add an exception to the no inflatables rule. |
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*Except where needed to add protective padding to the
passenger compartment. |
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// the airframe might be unscathed but the animal could still be hurt. // |
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Very doubtful - airframes are much more fragile than humans. |
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A hard landing, enough to elicit comment from others on board, can send the plane off to the maintainers for an expensive holiday, while the occupants merely wander away, grumbling; and dogs are a lot tougher than humans. |
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Obviously the answer is to build planes out of dogs. |
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I find bird bones a bit more suited to the task. |
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// chihuahua kick-starter project // |
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Hmm, sounds like you need some pump-priming money for that. |
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We suggest a high speed turbine pump with a 100mm inlet port. |
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A suitably configured intake funnel and spray collar would allow the pump to ingest a controlled water flow blended with whole Chihuahuas, which would be emulsified by the rotor and forced out as a narrow, high-pressure jet of slurry. |
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//chihuahuas off the ground// large dogs are in
contact with the ground clearly, there are footprints
to prove it. As dog breeds get smaller however, their
mass/energy ratio decreases to the point where
gravity plays a minimal role. As such, small dogs are
best described as existing in a probability cloud
vibrating in close proximity to the floor. Strong
evidence for this theory came in 2001, when the
border collie I served performed the double slit
experiment on our garden gate. It's either that or the
mischievous fucker worked out a latch, a bolt and a
rope loop. |
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Couldn't this be an N-Prize category? |
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I thought the Soviets did the "first dog in orbit" thing already. |
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As long as we can find a dog weighing less than 19.999 grams, and capable of indicating its position in orbit, we're good. |
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