h a l f b a k e r yOutside the bag the box came in.
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Step 1) Retreat from dirty bathroom after removing irreplaceble objects
Step 2) Hit the big red button that says "Do not touch"
Step 3) Wait and watch as the FlashFlame goes to work.
After the system has determined that no-one is inside, it seals the doors and vents and slides down the blast
panels, and opens a few nozzles. They blow out a fuel/oxygen mixture. Once the fuel/air mix has reached optimal saturation* a flame flickers momentarily and ignites the air. The air bursts into flame, frying unwanted fungi and insects. The metal toilet/tub/fixtures are unharmed. Blast doors retract, and your bathroom has been sanitized.
Now your bathroom is clean, hygenic, and doesn't smell at all.
*Fuel/air mix is calculated to not have a highly explosive force, but more of a high-heat type thing (IE: not as much fuel in the air as there couled be.
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At first I thought I would be against this. Then , realized the kind of techies that would own this could easily bypass the safety features. Very effecient killing device [+]. |
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However, blasting your bathroom with huge flames just, isn't a good idea. I don't have metal toiletries, they would char up. |
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Good if someone like that charred, sooty look. I guess. |
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The party goes instantly quiet in morbid anticipation. Matthew looks around in confusion before finally in mental defeat inquires "Um, What is it that's about to happen, guys?" A few heads nod and a few other hands give signals that should be interpreted as "BE QUIET, FOOL!" |
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The other 5 at the party all have in some way or another an image dominant in their thoughts of the big red button with large print reading "Do not touch". |
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A flash comes from under the doorsill and a caterwaul is soon followed by the sound of the shower at full blast. The room erupts into a cacaphony of laughter that to the causual observer would sound like 6 different species. |
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Devan emerges from the bathroom with a qtip carton covering himself and entirely hairless. "Oh. Oh, just you wait! Laugh now, Laugh now" he says. |
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Later that night 6 more FLashflame Cleaning systems are ordered online. |
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Once again, reaching over to your right for the toilet paper roll yields a swear word and a handful of ash... |
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An alcohol-powered flamethrower would be more fun and more practical--at least for cleaning. |
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A buddy in college routinely cleaned his bathroom just like this. He would douse the walls, counters, toilert, shower - well, everything - with some kind of flammable spray. I forget if it was a cleaning product or just straight-up alcohol. Anyway, he'd toss a match in there and WOOSH! Fire licked over every surface, and then promptly dissapated. It looked pretty damn cool. It truly did. |
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Come to think of it, the formula was probably prepared by a chem-majored roommate or some such thing. |
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Again, I saw something like this in Pop. Science in the 70's. Michael Crichton described a similar concept in Andromeda Strain, a FlashBlast (tm) device that generated freaky high temperatures for a fraction of a second. The suggested use in Pop. Sci. was cleaned barnacles off ship hulls. Crichton had scientists stand in a booth that insta-nuked their entire outer integument: poof! No more germy outer skin! |
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It was all dead tissue anyway. You'll stop missing it once the itching fades. |
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