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Fetophone
Unscramble speech for fetal benefit | |
Consider the plight of the fetus. It is in cramped quarters, with little to see, nothing to smell, and a monotonous diet. Pretty much all there is to do is listen. Late term fetuses spend months listening to mother speak, as well as speech from the outside.
But if you have ever put your ear
on someone's belly or back when they are speaking, you will have noticed that they are unintelligible. The cadence is right, but the intervening body structures distort the words. This is what the fetus hears. When it is born, it must start over again learning language - everything sounds different.
If speech could be modified so that it sounds the same in utero as it does in the outside world, I think language development could be accelerated several months. The fetophone alters speech in such a way that further alteration during transmission into the stomach creates sounds which are the same as normal speech through air. The exact alternations would depend on the body habitus of the mother and could be adjusted for maximal fetal benefit.
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What makes you think the fetus even *wants* to hear your yapping? Why do you think they cry when they come out? They're thinking, "Damn, now I gotta listen to that loudmouth make those insipid baby-talk noises at me all day, when all I really want is some quiet time alone with those titties, and then a nap..." |
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I think I have a pretty good grasp of the fetal psyche |
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Sure, I'll bun it. Buy why stop there? Surely you can pipe in some images and scents. |
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'Titties and a nap.' Isn't that what we *ALL* need? |
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Also, [k_sra], you made me laugh until I cried, at which point I laughed at the crying. |
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The filtering out of the high frequency noise is a good thing. It helps contribute to the safe, stress-free, environment that is the womb. Anyhow, cows can recognise their mother's moo by learning it within the womb, so the filtering of external noise might just aid another piece of psychological mother-child bonding. |
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