h a l f b a k e r yMy hatstand runneth over
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A small tube could be inserted into the rectum to bleed off the gases that sometimes collect there before they escape into the air. The collected flatulence can then be passed through a deodorizing charcoal air-scrubber, burned in a microturbine to produce power, or pumped into a pressure cylinder for
later disposal. The whole apparatus would have to be small enough to be worn under your clothes.
This could be handy in the office, making elevator rides, meetings, etc. more pleasant,
A sufficiently compact version could even be worn to bed. Sure, your bed partner might not think it's sexy, but would they prefer the alternative, especially if you just enjoyed a big dinner of beans'n'curry'n'sausages'n'so forth?
The camping version could include an adapter to attach to the cookstove, thus promoting the ecologically sound cycle of gas->heat->tomorrow's cooked beans->more gas.
Joyce's Ulysses, chapter Ithaca
http://www.biblioma...ulysses/ithaca.html
The stove attachment is probably in Finnegan's Wake. [hello_c, Sep 08 2000, last modified Oct 21 2004]
(?) The Sucking Slip
http://www.creativa.../inglese/index.html
From the multimedia fair of inventions! [Matty, Jul 04 2002, last modified Oct 21 2004]
Ruminant Animal Methane Emissions Collector Patent
http://www.patently...t.php?patID=6982161
Baked (in a Dutch Oven) [Dub, Jun 02 2006]
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How many BTUs does the average fart contain? I don't expect increased smell helps the energy content, as methane is odorless. Then again, what else is in there, other than methane? Little tiny poop particles? |
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I'm sure a primitive version (no stove attachment) was described by by James Joyce in Ulysses - heck, for all I know it was commercially available in Dublin in his day. Not any wierder than anti-hysteria massagers. |
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Ha! Second-to-last chapter, search for "Wonderworker". Close enough. |
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PeterSealy, have you ever seen the movie 'Jack' with Robin Williams and Bill Cosby? There's a hilarious scene where the main character farts into a coffee can and then seals it- and then unseals it and tosses in a lit match. BOOM! |
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Priceless. I have to try it someday. |
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What steps could be taken to keep this technology from falling into the wrong hands? |
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What happens if it gets clogged? |
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Rather than storing the emissions they could be lit and vented as a burning plume out of a small "flare stack", a bit like what happens in oil refineries. Of course this could present a fire hazard to the user and those nearby, so the gas might be burned in something like a miner's safety lamp. |
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Baked - Victorian era ladies used to "collect" their farts in a bottle then burn it at night. |
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Hard to believe. You got a reference for that? |
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I personally can't see a need to carry around an apparatus that gets partially inserted into my anus when a little gas never hurt anybody. The negative social stigma attached to the natural occurrence is better changed than enabled with crazy contraptions that may do more harm than good. |
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A stinky fishbone goes to this one. |
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If the seal between the tube and your butt was adequate, such a device could even take care of the problem of the occasional "G & L" fart ("gambled and lost"--you gambled it would just be a fart, but it ended up something more serious). |
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Wrong approach! Flatulence odor is not caused by a lack of filtration, it's caused by overeating. Just back up from the table, (especially white foods, and of course beans) and no more flatulence! Other benefits are weight loss, lipids go down, and zits magically disappear. |
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"rectum" and "bleed" should never be in
the same sentence. |
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Speaking of James Joyce and farting, has everybody here
read that letter he wrote to Nora? |
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We certainly have not, nor do we intend to do so. |
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