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Replace "light" with "sausages" and this may work...

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Fan Pants

 ventilated bell-bottoms for discreet urban cooling
  (+13, -2)(+13, -2)
(+13, -2) 		  [vote for,
against]

It was really hot on the tube this morning.

I could have taken off my shirt, but it was rush-hour, and my fellow passengers may not have approved.

Or I could have flapped a newspaper to fan my ever-reddening face - except that I was wedged amongst the usual forest of anonymous elbows and other assorted body-parts. A position that precludes any action other than clinging to the overhead rail as the tube careens along its subterranean course.

No, what I needed were bell-bottomed trousers, equipped with the following components:
Clip-on ankle-mounted fans
Rechargeable power unit
Pocket Switch
Trouser-Shirt interface ducting.

The ankle-mounted fan units are designed to couple to the bottom of a trouser leg and discreetly blow air up it. This cooling air would waft up each leg, past the essentials and up, through a trouser-shirt interface, where it could swirl around my upper body, cooling as it goes, finally finding exit through my collar and cuffs with a final refreshing action about the face and hands.

And with all this cooling power activated by a discreet pocket-mounted switch - my fellow passengers, as is the way of the commuter, will have the comfort of remaining politely unaware of the whole arrangement.

—zen_tom, Jul 20 2007

(?) Inflatable costumes http://www.zoogster...ding/inflatable.php
Being cool on the tube [marklar, Jul 22 2007]

Earlier HB idea Full-Body_20Ventilation_20Coveralls
[Texticle, Jul 22 2007]

Even earlier HB idea Crotch_20ventilator_20slacks
[Texticle, Jul 23 2007]

Slightly earlier HB idea Ingeniously_20aspirated_20cool_20suit
(This was the idea I contrived with the sole pupose of smuggling the word 'pirate' into the title, back in the days when doing so would change the "for" and "against" vote buttons into "yarr" and "narr") [hippo, Jul 25 2007]


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Annotation:







       Thanks [Beep] - you know what, I never even knew the two meanings were spelled differently - how bad is that! Anyway, you live and learn...
—zen_tom, Jul 20 2007
   

       this would work better if you wear a dress. But then the passengers wouldn't crowd so close would they?
—dentworth, Jul 20 2007
   

       *picturing Zen in a dress* :-)
—dentworth, Jul 20 2007
   

       *picturing Zen as marilyn monroe*:-(
—skinflaps, Jul 20 2007
   

       turning the airflow around might still give you a working device, while additionally mitigating the effects of certain gaseous substances known to be leaving the body in the vicinity of said essentials. your current concept would direct them straight into your nasal orifices, which might be able to somehow filter them, but only at great personal cost...
—loonquawl, Jul 20 2007
   

       Either direction presents an odiferous hazard.
—dentworth, Jul 20 2007
   

       You actually *wear* bell bottoms? [+]
—nuclear hobo, Jul 20 2007
   

       discreet :) - the user discreetly flips the switch in their pocket, and with a soft *whump* of air, their clothing inflates!. Odor hazard aside, this is the coolest thing ever, pun intended.
—CaptainClapper, Jul 21 2007
   

       It gets my vote, but it is awfully similar to the crotch ventilator slacks (fashion > pants). This one is a better design though. And certainly some kind of emergency gaseous exit strategy would be required upon passing wind.
—theleopard, Jul 21 2007
   

       I stand in front of a fan and inflate my shirt when I'm cooking this will defiantly work   

       But it will not be "discreet" if you have a large shirt on you will get some of the weirdest looks
—dev45, Jul 21 2007
   

       *another pet peeve* ...it's "careering". To "careen" means to turn a ship on its side and give its bottom a good scrub.
—pertinax, Jul 22 2007
   

       My OED shares your definition for careen(ing) and the more general notion of generally tilting something on its side, but also adds the moving swiftly in an uncontrolled way definition (though it does state that that usage stems from the verb career) So [pertinax] I'm not sure this particular pet peeve is an entirely rational (or at the very least, a British) one, it may be interesting to see what Websters has to say, and if there are any marked difference between the two sources.
—zen_tom, Jul 22 2007
   

       At one point in my illustrious career, I've worn an inflatable clown suit. Basically, you climb into a nylon clown and start the fans. If you could create a business suit one of these, either with 2 layers or an airtight neck, you could stay cool ad get more space on the tube. See [link] for details
—marklar, Jul 22 2007
   

       In his usual single-minded rush to board the tube this morning, zen_tom is blissfully unaware of the rather large deposit of doggie droppings now attached to his left shoe. Feeling the need for some refreshing ventilation he switches on his Fan Pants, only to discover he has now become the source of considerable olfactory discomfort for his fellow riders.   

       Amid much grumbling, many cold stares, and a distinctly hostile harrumph he discreetly presses the concealed button on his belt which activates the "Odour-B-Gone" fragrance injection system, releasing a pleasant citrus aroma into the cooling airflow. His fellow riders comfortably go back to their disinterested poses, crossword puzzles, and conversations with imaginary friends.
—Canuck, Jul 22 2007
   

       Zen, among all the comments on this pretty lame idea, is the inferences that you would be ugly in a dress, bell bottoms are not cool, and that you stink and can't spell either.   

       And how does that make you feel? :-)
—dentworth, Jul 22 2007
   

       Pretty lame idea?! Codswallop!
—zen_tom, Jul 22 2007
   

       I....see. Well perhaps we should talk about codswallopping ideas.
—dentworth, Jul 22 2007
   

       And to be completely honest, I don't look great in a dress.   

       I think a kilt is technically a skirt - but I've not explored that avenue just yet.
—zen_tom, Jul 24 2007
   

       you do look kinda cute in a shift that does up at the back though.
—po, Jul 25 2007
   

       Finally, a solution to my batwings. It was this or a spandex jock-strap-leotard thing.
—twitch, Jul 25 2007
   

       A traditional kilt is a skirt(-like garment) wound from six yards of heavy woolen fabric. It is NOT cool and comfortable in the heat. At one point in my illustrious career I have worn a kilt, doublet and turban in the late spring heat and rain of the southern US. Perhaps slightly better than the same quantity of fabric sewn into trousers, but not much.
—Galbinus_Caeli, Jul 26 2007
   


 

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