h a l f b a k e r yNumber one on the no-fly list
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FYI Tie
Proudy pointing out the questionable wet spot on your crotch | |
Stanley walked into the 13th floor lavatory to check his appearance before heading to his presentation for the boys up top.
His face was flush.
He'd better splash some cold water on his face to cool himself off... damn it, he was a nervous wreck.
As he twisted the knob on the posh water basin,
a jet of water erupted from the tap, and upon contact with the stopper, realigned itself into a crotch-intercepting vector.
With 3 minutes to spare, panic was an understatement.
Stanley, now poised in a modern day struggle for survival, rapidly assessed his options...
Use paper towels to dab his slack's dry? No, t'would leave little balls of paper towel in the fabric of his slacks, drawing even more attention to the area.
Wring the cloth dry? No, the wrinkles left behind would invariably do the same.
Fake a seizure, or possibly death? His mind mulled this course of action over, as a co-worker noticed his pale and horror stricken visage.
"What's up bro?", his concerned co-worker asked.
Stanley mournfully apprised his co-worker of his situation; he frantically summarized the possible sequelae of these events; he briefed his coworker on his tentative options, then succumbed to a fit of sobbing.
"Cheer up, bro. I got you covered!", he said whilst producing a carefully rolled, silk tie from his pocket.
"What(sniff)... er(sniff)..."
"It's an FYI Tie, bro. Check it out.", said smugly.
Unfurled, the maroon tie was emblazoned with a long arrow who's point terminated at the tip, and bold letters declaring: "It's not pee".
Stanley reeled.
"When there is an elephant in the room, bro...", he said. Then patted his petrified colleague on the shoulder, and sauntered out of the lavatory.
one Presto
http://www.gopresto.com/
[not_morrison_rm, Mar 10 2012]
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Of course, the other solution is to ensure that your slacks are equally damp all over (there are a number of methods to achieve this) and then concoct a bizarre excuse for it. |
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An obvious replacement for the "I went to xxx, and all I got was
this Lousy T shirt". |
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By the way, never head that reference to an elephant...is the
punch line "Don't stand near the tail"? |
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"When there's an elephant in the room, introduce him" - Randy Paush |
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Probably existed prior to his book, and in his book he references the saying as an old adage his grandfather used to say. A great book, though. He wrote it while in the terminal stage of pancreatic cancer. I've read better, but the premise was irresistible. I keep it in the philosophy section of my library. |
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This is doubly useful if it IS in fact pee. |
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A more intelligent version of Stanley would simply
have soaked the rest of his clothing, thereby
eliminating the tell-tale contrast. |
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I did that for a friend in the first grade - he'd peed a spot on his pants, and wouldn't leave the bench to play with me. |
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When I finally cajoled the tale from him, I said "simple solution, come to the bathroom with me. When we wash our hands I'll splash you, and you can get angry and chase me around for revenge". |
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Ah childhood, simple problems, simple solutions. |
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I've been musing over this... |
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I think you're going the wrong way about it, you know. The whole
point is to distract, not point it out. So the tie should have a
large arrow on it which points somewhere else and says "Look
over there!" or "Hey, look at that!". |
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Said tie should be large enough to cover halfway down to your
knees and hey presto* no one's ever going to notice. |
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//Who is presto, anyway?// |
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See link of one Presto, they seem to make pressure cookers, so perhaps some absent-minded magician decided to conceal the white rabbit in it, with predictably dire consequences, so that's why we say Hey Presto as a reminder of that fateful day...or not. |
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