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I'm a nice guy. Really.
But it seems pushy sales people -the ones who wait on street corners or out the front of big department stores, bring out the worst in me. I end having to be very rude and ignore them completely, lie to them and tell them I already have a perfectly good [insert product here],
or try to charm my way out. Charm never works. Once I said "but I'm a student, does it look like I can afford that?". They came up with a very manageable pricing system, so I had to resort to Plan A, block them out, and walk away.
Either way, it always seems that they have the clear moral upper hand. They're the poor retail staff working on commission, and I'm the evil sociopath being fiendishly rude and walking away, or worse, not even acknowledging their existence in the first place!
What we need in these situations, I theorise, is some sort of an impasse in the sales routine. A way of stunning the sales staff long enough to make a quick getaway. My first idea was already baked [see link], so I asked myself, what is a relatively harmless way of stopping somebody dead in their tracks without using electricity?
One possible answer lies in exploding body parts. They would be rubber parts filled with red dye. Small canisters of gas would be linked to these via tubes built into clothing. So, for example the exploding hand fits at the end of a sleeved. When you see pushy sales staff coming, you pull in your real hand, and activate a gas canister which places just enough gas in the fake hand to make it real looking. If you find yourself in an inescapable situation, cornered by the pushy staff, activate a second button which pushes even more gas into the fake hand and bursts it, splattering fake blood everywhere!
Just imagine:
[pushy staff] (after giving a long sales pitch) how can you not afford this? All you have to do is make three easy payments of $299.99!
[customer] Well, I'll just sign here...
<customer's hand explodes>
[customer] Arrgh!
[pushy staff] Arrgh!
[customer] Arrgh!
[pushy staff] Arrgh!
<customer runs>
[customer] sucker.
Stun Gun
http://www.security...t.com/stun-info.htm
[sdm, Sep 10 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
Reactive armor
http://thor.prohost...es/no_reactive.html
Armor that explodes in response to being impinged. [bristolz, Nov 26 2001, last modified Oct 04 2004]
inappropriate swearing
Inappropriate_20swearing
pending trial [shinobi, Feb 06 2008]
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[UB] it's the halfbakery. 'No thanks' is just plain boring. Plus, sdm is chatting up Afro. |
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[UnaBubba]: They just don't take that as an answer. They keep pushing and pushing. I could empty my pockets out and show them how little money I have and they would still ask for an address, telephone number or street corner. Desperate times call for desperate measures. |
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As for [AfroAssault], given his level of intoxication last night (see “Internet Multitracking” idea,) all I have to say to him is "sit in a nice, dark, quiet room with some Aspirin, lots of B vitamin supplements, and some fatty foods. You’ll be back on the piss in no time." |
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I like it. But, go one step further... wear 'reactive armor'. |
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[Gorn], "reactive armor"? please elaborate. |
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I guess that's the price you pay for not closing everything at 5pm. |
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Jeezo peezo. This would be so great in so many situations: accosted by a Moony at the airport? Blow out your kneecaps! Neighbors won't turn down their stereo? Call on them and squirt blood out your ears! Pesky hookers won't leave you alone? Exploding genitals will convince them you're not interested! Croissie. |
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sdm: are you related to dsm? |
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[iuvare]: No. But I do appear to be a permutation of his/hers. |
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[UnaBubba]: Half of my family lives there: thankfully, the estranged half. The last time I went there, I was seven years old. Even then, it was deadly boring. Nice low land prices I hear.
Anyway, you would be well aware that that snark was directed at Queensland. I've had one bad experience, and so far it's been backed up by stories from disappointed friends who have gone hoping sunshine, booze and babes unlimited. The doors on the trains don't even open for you! |
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But being diplomatic, I suppose there's bad in every city. Sydney has too much glossy touristy stuff. |
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Maybe, but colonialism does not. |
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This is truly a GREAT IDEA sdm. The uses for this are incredible, but my mood hasn't been that great since this morning's incident, so my comments are limited for now... |
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[po], I fart in your general direction. |
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Didn't Dilbert once attempt gnawing his arm off in such a situation? Worked, too. |
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"I'm sorry sir/madam, I'm awfully busy right now. If you would kindly give me your home telephone number, I would be more than happy to call you at home tonight and discuss it. I get off of work at 3:30 AM." |
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That always works for me. |
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Try "me no speaky inglise" |
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[dobtabulous] try "peirdoname? yo no hablar ingles." |
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<Death Race 2000>
- Frankenstein reveals metallic prosthesis with grenade set in to the palm. -
"Is that a grenade?"
"A hand-grenade."
</DR2000> |
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alternatively you could try 'inappropriate swearing' (linked) - one of my earlier ideas. This will make it awkward to the point where they feel they need to get away from you. I'm going to try this next time im out on the high st. (watch this space) |
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