h a l f b a k e r yQuis custodiet the custard?
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An automatic door usually opens by sliding sideways. Some however are like normal double doors. They open either inwards or outwards. The evil door knows which of its sensors has gone off and opens the door towards the person who is trying to get through. On the way in this misses them and they then
think they know which way the doors open. On the way out of the shop or wherever the sensors are placed closer to the door, the door opens inwards and shopping gets knocked all over the floor.
Don't ask why the world needs one of these. An altruistic version which opens away from the user might actually be usefull though.
[link]
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Easy enough. Just reverse the signs and motion sensors on the IN and OUT doors. |
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//Don't ask why // you dont need a reason if its evil. You may as well ask, why a shark tank? Why a monorail? Why hire such incompetent henchmen? Why not shoot Bond the first time you meet him in a casino? Why marry the girl who, moments before, swore to kill you?...<wanders off muttering to self> |
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Legal action ensues...
[jutta] I always considered you as calm and collected. The idea of you drop-kicking a milk drink, is like discovering Santa Claus was a lie. |
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It's more like discovering that Santa was real, and he's the one that ran over your puppy. |
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I like the Socratic method of idea advocacy here - promoting an idea by detailing the malevolence of its opposite. |
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//Damn! Jutta is human. Well, that stuffs up that theory, doesn't it?// [UB]... //I like the Socratic method of idea advocacy here - promoting an idea by detailing the malevolence of its opposite.//[bungston] |
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So your saying {Jutta} is not human, beacuse it's too awful to imagine a world in which {Jutta} is human? |
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...from a flying milk-drink. |
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[jutta]'s anno made me wonder whether the hot drink was given to her on purpose before she was allowed through the door. Now *that* would be truly evil - "Sorry, you can't come through unless you have that barrel of boiling oil balanced on your head and are carrying boxes piled 6 feet high. Mind the step." |
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For this to be even more evil, the door would have to be specifically labelled as "evil door" - white letters on a cool, reassuring blue, in a blank, functional font. All other doors nearby would be (incorrectly) labelled with "This door is out of order. Please use the evil door" thereby filling the potential threshhold-crosser with a sense of incredulous foreboding. |
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The door as described so far barely scratches the surface of evility. A truly evil door would stay closed until someone approaches, then indeed open toward that person, as previously described, but it would not STAY open long enough for the person to get through. Say, first it opens by 60 degrees, then closes by 15 degrees, then opens 40 degrees (at this point it is open 85 degrees, so perhaps the victim will start to walk through), then closes 20 degrees... and so on, in a random pattern, until the victim ether successfully dashes through the door, or gives up and heads toward some other door (at which point the evil door, sensing the departure, gently closes all the way). Oh, and an appropriate place for such a door is an amusement park fun-house... |
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Add to that a non-automatic clear glass sliding door right behind the evil door for even more hot-milk-spilling fun. |
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I just read through the anno's again (I recommend it). [my face]'s anno had me rolling. |
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I am glad you did at least [world] because then this was listed in the recent and I got to read it. :)
But I am not sure if [my face], or [vernon]'s had me laughing harder. Can I get one for my front door. Then I could turn it to "evil mode" or "normal mode" and let my door get rid of unwanted guests. ;) |
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Vernon's door would be great for when someone comes around to tell you the Good News - "Come on in - that is if you can make it over the threshold..." |
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Vernons idea reminds me of an automatic opening door, but in reverse.
That is, it is wide open until someone tries to walk through it, then it closes. |
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In nice weather, the evil doors (swinging or sliding versions) stay open until someone approaches, then they close. And the evil elevator uses a random number generator to select what floor you end up on. I suppose the evil escalator would just randomly turn into a slide. |
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Some day if you're in the mood for a terrible yet entertaining '80's horror flick, rent "The Lift". It's about a truely evil elevator. |
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I saw that movie, and it was TERRIBLE! |
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Baked. A few doors at the university I am obliged to attend do this. |
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In case you were wondering what Jutta said: |
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//The evilest of doors do not open by themselves but need to be opened by you, towards yourself, while balancing spillable hot purchases. I remember angrily drop-kicking a foamed milk drink after losing a fight with an inward-opening cafe door in Charleston.
(Side note: kicking containers whose contents you don't want to get all over yourself is very, very stupid.)// |
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Courtesy of the wayback machine. |
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//the door opens inwards and shopping gets knocked all over
the floor// I don't know why that phrase is so funny to me,
but it is. |
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In case where there's someone approaching from
either side, the door should just not open at all. |
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Sounds better just to have a giant meat grinder door. Go in and come out hamburger unless you put in a special token to enter. |
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