Eurovision Fight Club

Held once in a year is the newest phenomenon in country vs. country competition. One competitor representing each of the 40 Eurovision countries are assembled in a 20ft by 20ft steel cage. No weapons are allowed, same goes for eye gouging, but that is the limit of the restrictions. There is a small door in the corner of the cage for failed competitors. This is a straight up – fight to the finish where competitors are eliminated when they tap-out or fall unconscious. This should lead to a fair fight which would tell us all which European country produces the finest fighters. However, it doesn’t.

Instead the idea of every man for himself falls by the wayside to be replaced by honouring political alliances. Political commentators judge the international reputation of a country by its finishing position. Will the Baltic States all join up to pummel the competition? Will everyone begin by beating the U.K. into submission? Will the Greek and the Turkish champion single each other out of the pack for a thrashing? This is truly the one political forum where Sweden’s pacifism will not be an advantage.

Terry Wogan commentates.