Enhanced Preseason NFL

There's no reason to watch, much less to go to, a pre-season football game. The stars play a quarter or so at half-speed and then a bunch of mullets who will never get beyond five years on the special teams (if that) comes in. The only drama resides in the fact that these guys are literally playing for their jobs. Unfortunately for the viewing public, those that don't make the grade are cut from the team several days after the game.

I propose that they instead be cut then and there, on national tv. If a reciever drops a pass, out comes a golf cart from the sidelines to whisk him off forthwith to a stadium parking lot job fair. If a lineman blows an assignment, a black-clad assistant coach (perhaps done up as the Grim Reaper) could stalk off the sideline, rip the errant lineman's helmet off, cast it to the ground, and set it afire. There could be a little quasi-military, samurai-type ceremony, maybe even a ritualized seppuku (for players of honor) wishing to atone for a muffed punt or blown coverage. I'm not saying the guy should literally kill himself, but he should make life easy on the coach and everyone else by setting his own helmet on fire rather than forcing somebody else to do it for them. Think of the old veteran gone to seed, realizing he can't cut it anymore, setting his helmet on fire and walking off the home field to the tearful cheers of one last ovation...

Now *there's* quality tv