h a l f b a k e r yPoint of hors d'oevre
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Packs for free swarming Daleks that detect by infra-red houses that have poor insulation, they surround it and cry "insulate, insulate" at the top of their voice chips.
Due the Health and Safety regulations, they are no longer allowed to zap the inhabitants but are limited to giving wicked Chinese
burns with them sink plungerer things.
[link]
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// no longer allowed to zap the inhabitants // |
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All the old skills are dying out… |
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How much energy do the Daleks consume searching for
poorly insulated houses? Also, how do they stand up
against 6.8mm spc? My house is actually quite well-
insulated, but if there are going to be Daleks on the loose,
I'd still like to know. |
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Daleks are quite "green" and energy-efficient, as they are based on the same battery-electric technology as golf carts, mobility scooters, and electric wheelchairs. |
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Their armour is pretty effective, being a mixture of physical protection and an electromagnetic deflector shield. However, the eye stalk is more vulnerable. We advise the employment of directed-energy rather than projectile weapons, although digging a shallow hole and then covering it over with a sheet of cardboard will cause them a few problems to say the least. |
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Once the Dalek is disabled and the batteries are run down, they can be safely dismantled using an ordinary Sonic Screwdriver. The rubber suckers have a surprisingly high resale value to collectors, and are also very useful for clearing blocked sinks. |
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There are a number of charitable organisations who will be glad to remove the empty shell, which will then be refurbished and exported to third-world nations as temporary pillar boxes. |
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Hmm, I'm a little short on directed-energy weapons... |
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Maybe now's the time to splurge on that Barrett I've been
lusting after. |
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// I'm a little short on directed-energy weapons... // |
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Step into our office for a moment. We'll make you an offer you won't want to refuse. |
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Your residence does have a 3-phase, 660Volt, 300Amp supply, right ? Just asking. |
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A directed energy weapon that needs to be plugged
into a wall outlet? Don't wast your money,
[Alterother], they're obviously trying to foist the
export model on you. |
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// Your residence does have a 3-phase, 660Volt, 300Amp supply, right? // |
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Actually, it does, but I'm still not buying your lousy Borgco death ray. |
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C'mon, they're waaay better than those Acme ones .... and we offer easy payment terms, 0% financing, and one year's free subscription to "What's New In Spaceborne Combat Systems". |
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We can even get you Tribbles, if you're interested. Grill, stew, or stir-fry, but for best results barbeque. All that fluff just burns right off, no need to peel. |
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<[nrm] gets' that Oppenheimer "what have I done.." feeling> But still better than the HB kiss of death, which is currently running on a server somewhere in Area 57... |
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// no longer allowed to zap the inhabitants // |
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This is a mistake. If they zapped the inhabitants, the
temperature of the inhabitants would increase and there
would be no need to heat their surroundings, which would
be very efficient. |
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Ah, the voice of sanity speaks at last. |
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it would require two daleks to give a chinese burn (energy saving?) as they only have one "sink plungerer things" each and that would also rely on those "sink plungerer things" having the ability to make a circular motion in both directions (clockwise for one and counter-clock for the other) in fact this is highly unlikely as those "sink plungerer things" do not possess a grip-like action... |
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Yeah, BorgCo do those kits too ... funny, we get a lot of business from people for whom the cardboard-over-hole trick didn't work, and are fed up of running away from daleks ... |
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I saw a Dalek at the Fleet Air Arm Museum once; Ima write
to them and ask how they caught it. |
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Easy. Dalek paper. Comes on a big roll, very sticky. |
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//It would require two daleks to give a chinese
burn// But a single Dalek could give you one hell of
a hickey. |
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"What are you gonna do? Sucker me to death?" |
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