Emergency pizza

Do you have a fifteen minute break and you're going to get hangry and screw up the rest of an important day unless you get something to eat? Did you just realize that two hours ago you left a note on the fridge for your latchkey kid that food is in the fridge but you already ate it? Are you one slice short of setting the pizza-eating world record and you're out of pizza with six minutes on the clock?

This service will set up within five minutes of your current location* **and have the nearest available thing to hot, fresh pizza available to deliver within that time frame. Just push the red button on the device they give you. The highly jam-resistant device connects to a nearby satellite to send the "go" signal.

*inclusion of transportation mechanisms like boats, airplanes, and cars costs extra
**prison deliveries cost extra, and we don't guarantee you'll have time to consume the pizza.

The 1 minute or less option may require permission to occupy space in your back yard.