h a l f b a k e r yCaution!
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In situations where death appears imminent, it is notable that even the most convinced atheists can very rapidly develop and express profound religious faith.
It doesn't have to be any specific faith, of course. The tendency is to loudly and repeatedly invoke the name or names of any deities that
come to mind, in between reciting the engine flameout restart checklist and pleading with ATC for a vector to the nearest available runway, or failing that, area of flat ground.
What's needed is the new BorgCo Emergency Faith Pack. Clipping discreetly to the outside of a flight case, the pack has a deployment lanyard activated by a toggle. On pulling the toggle, the CO2 cartridge expands the pack to its opened state, this being a panel to which are attached appropriate items from a wide range* of religions; Hindu, Mesoamerican, Abrahamic, African, Norse .... a digital sound synthesizer replays the relevant chants/prayers/spells corresponding to the dsplayed iconography.
Thus, the harrassed flight crew are relieved of the necessity of trying to remember fragments of childhood memories, and concentrate on the immediate problems, like staying airborne just a little bit longer ...
*The actual religions depicted can be selected from a menu at the time of ordering.
Useful for situations like this?
https://www.youtube...watch?v=pDWR5RkWRTY
[RayfordSteele, Oct 06 2017]
Apostacy
https://en.wikipedi...i/Apostasy_in_Islam
Naughty [8th of 7, Oct 07 2017]
[link]
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//appropriate items from a wide range* of religions//
Just a half-croissant for me, thanks. Don't need reminders of your irrelevant gods. |
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Injectable eucharist like an epi pen?? |
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Just check the box at the bottom of the form. |
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There is also a corollary: In situations where people develop and express a profound religious faith, it is notable that deaths often become imminent. |
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What, imminent death ? Your own, or someone else's ? |
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Sure it will boost your faith but will it tell you how to convert that faith into actions to transcend that impenetrable gap to your selected divinity? God is suppose to like a trier. |
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No, but then again everyone's got to start somewhere. Gods also like new worshippers, and they can't be expected to know it all straight away. |
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I keep misreading this as: There Are No Foxes in Atheist's
Holes, to which I can testify with certainty in my case. |
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You can probably get a few bonuses as a new member too, like a higher allowance of sins or a discount on time in purgatory. |
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Even more bonuses available if you switch faiths whilst you still have a credit balance in your karma account. |
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...and bonuses if you tell your friends and they sign
up |
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The foreseeable problem when subsequently signing up others is that, given the wide-ranging nature of the system, in the event of survival it's very unlikely that it will be possible to conclusively determine which deity actually did intervene on behalf of the supplicant. |
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Choosing the wrong one could mean literally a whole eternity of trouble. Some gods really don't seem to be very forgiving. |
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D'n'D dice to choose, if you're in a rush. |
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[FlyingToaster] Bake that. It would have to be a godly sized die, with a bit of heft. The die will have a few sides, though. |
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I'm confused. If your stricken aircraft is in a foxhole, then you're
either perfectly safe or already dead. In either case, some non-
panicky form of orison would be suitable. A service of sung
compline suggests itself. Anyway, not the whole OMFG / giant
dice reaction suggested here. |
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Could there also be an "instant conversion pack" for emergency use? |
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For instance, you've been Muslim all your life, but then your balls get blown off. Suddenly, the 72 Virgins are less of an incentive, and you might want to consider an alternative heavenly destination with less sex but more alcohol, in the moments before you die. |
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// you might want to consider an alternative heavenly destination with less sex but more alcohol // |
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You can't. Under Muslim law, you can't recant your avowal of faith. You're a Muslim and you stay a Muslim, but you're an Apostate. |
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Yes, I know (in fact, I know a few apostates), but I'm sure an emergency-switch service could settle your existing contract when you sign up with a new provider. |
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The answer is obviously to use a pay-as-you-go religious service provider, rather than sign up for a long-term contract. |
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Just make sure you've got plenty of prepaid credit if you're going to make a lot of use of the facility. |
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It's also worth paying to get faster uploads, not just downloads. |
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