Half a croissant, on a plate, with a sign in front of it saying '50c'
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Elevator Doors – Opening a 21st Century Industrial Revolution

Pressing, forming, chopping and crushing for the betterment of mankind and other kinds
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The sliding doors of lifts are good for refusing to close fast enough or for scaring kids and elders when suddenly closing on a body part. However, they constitute a major undiscovered and unutilized production resource. With a more powerful motor and specially profiled edges, elevator doors can perform a multitude of tasks with little disruption to the passengers.

For example, by stationing a worker with raw materials at each floor, the sharp-edged, closing doors of a departing elevator could chop sugarcane or perforate toilet paper. Smooth, holed edges could steam press pants and shirts. Riders going down could marvel as ten stone of ore is crushed at each stop, speeding them on their way to the ground floor.

Individually tooled doors could be used for embossing stationary or stamping out car fenders. By adding a stationary guillotine-like blade to the elevator cab ceiling, one could form-press an aluminum stair step and slice off the earlier one at each floor, arriving at the bottom with a ready-to-assemble staircase – which is good to erect in case the elevator later stops running. On the way up, the doors could stamp out and form slinkies, to be tested from the top of the stairwell.

FarmerJohn, May 01 2004


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Annotation:







       ...and revolving doors could stir industrial-sized vats of cake mixture.
hippo, May 01 2004
  

       And instead of moving sidewalks... treadmills.
ldischler, May 01 2004
  

       and the most obvious application, I'm bringing my bag o' salad ingredients to the 37th floor, on the way up all the ingredients are chopped in one huge CHOP and I just pour the bag full into the bowl when I get there.
dentworth, May 01 2004
  

       Oh my Gosh (custard & croissant)
finflazo, May 01 2004
  

       The lifts in NYC are already known to take off the odd head. No thanks!
DrCurry, May 01 2004
  

       Only the odd heads? That’s a good thing, then.
ldischler, May 01 2004
  

       Huh. What are the odds?   

       sounds messy!!
sridhar236, Feb 07 2005
  


 

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