h a l f b a k e r yIf ever there was a time we needed a bowlologist, it's now.
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It is an acknowledged fact that it is almost
impossible to slice a hard-boiled egg into two equal
parts with exactly 50% of the yolk in each half.
Now, BorgCo researchers, after extensive research
and development, have produced the first truly
reliable egg slicer.
The hard-boiled egg,
its shell having been
removed, is placed pointy-end down in the suction
cup. A vacuum then retains it in position as it is
rotated around all three axes on a gimball system.
Strain gauges in the gimbal pivots and in the
suction cup mount allow exact profiling of the mass
distribution of the egg. At the same time, a
scanning laser generates an extremely accurate 3-
D profile.
When the plane of partition has been determined,
the egg is returned to the starting position and a
sapphire-whisker cutting wire slices it into the
desired equal portions.
The suction cup head is interchangeable, allowing
eggs of all sizes to be sliced, from hummingbird up
to ostrich.
Warning: do not operate faster than the stated
speed, as this may cause detachment of the egg,
inaccurate cutting, damage to the bearings, and
opening a gravitational trans-dimensional gateway
into a dark, unnatural realm
of infinite evil from which there is no escape.
Slice 'n' Dice
http://youtu.be/x_6k2vUnJgc
NSFW! Reminded me of this, for some reason. [Klaatu, Aug 31 2012]
The prototype …
http://4.bp.blogspo...orizon_10358880.png
Kind of like this, but in a worktop version. [8th of 7, Aug 31 2012]
these have been around for ages...
http://www.google.c...0...1ac.xwBK8_GE-TI
Not as exciting as yours!! [xandram, Sep 01 2012]
Bordeaux
http://www.thewinec...wine-vintage-chart/
I do like a decent claret [DenholmRicshaw, Sep 07 2012]
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Annotation:
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Well that's quite an oeuf. |
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This will come in handy in my house, as it is my job to slice any good food into two, and my wife gets to pick the perceived larger piece. I have gotten quite accurate lately. |
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What about if you want to cut it in 4? |
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Would it be possible to use centrifugal force to centre the yolk while boiling? Or perhaps targeted local application of heat could cook the white unevenly allowing the yolk to be centred that way? |
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Once the egg is bisected, cutting each half
evenly is trivially easy since the position of
the yolk is visible … |
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Why even cut the yolk; certainly not in preperation to be
eaten, I'd assume? My understanding is that yolk is the
very plaque of coronary arteries. |
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Instead a fine blade must be used to probe the egg until it
reaches reaches the dense yolk. Then the blads is to be
circumnavigated around the perimeter of the egg. Once
this is accomplished the whites can be pulled apart and
the orb of yolk can be removed for disposal. |
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If you truly understand that, then you are sadly mistaken and the victim of pseudoscience, [rcarty]. If you must dispose of it, dispose of it in the direction of my dinnerplate, if you please. |
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I collect these, you cannot have any of them. |
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Alternatively, place the hardboiled egg on a flat
surface. |
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Wait until it stops rolling. |
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Gravity is interchangeable, allowing eggs of all sizes
to be sliced, from hummingbird up to ostrich. |
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Works better if the surface is level as well as flat. |
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Works better if the surface is level as well as flat, and isn't on a planet with a flippin' huge moon, or a small satellite that turns out to be part of a neutron star, or a binary star system, or a planet with the core that is prone to move and so move the centre of gravity.... |
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I'm sure there is more.... |
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Oh yeah, or a planet that's prone to being hit by fast-moving teeny black holes... |
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The BorgCo Egg Slicer is independant of
incident gravity fields, having an integrated
tidal-force compensator, and will work
perfectly even in free-fall. |
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Yes, until the battery runs out. I have been doing a
little research, and it turns out that all BorgCo.
products use triangular 1.77 volt batteries which are
only available from... |
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Four dozen of the Margaux '64 at your back door tomorrow morning if you shut up ... |
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The '64? Oh dear oh dear. Travels well in
microgravity, I expect. |
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Make it the '62 or the '70 and we might come to
some arrangement. |
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Yes, but they can be inserted in any one of six
orientations, all but one of which will destroy the
equipment. "Incorrect insertion of batteries voids
warranty." It says that on a very small label on all
BorgCo. products. Or perhaps it's on all Borg - I
forget. |
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Alright, alright, six dozen of the '62, just
enough with the batteries already ... |
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All your Green Triangle are belong to us … |
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(We dread the day that Earthlings discover
that Toblerone can be broken down into
individual units and still be plug-compatible
…) |
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You're on. Ship to the same address that those DVDs
went to. |
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What dvd's? At a very wild guess the dialogue (such as it is) goes something like this.."Oh honey, yes, yes, assimilate me now, you know how I like it"... |
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I have much trouble halving the breakfast Ostrich egg. Makes one hell of a mess on the chainsaw. Do you think it would be better to cook it first? |
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//Well that's quite an oeuf// |
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// Do you think it would be better to cook it
first? // |
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Definitely not. Chainsaws that have been
cooked consistently exhibit poorer overall
performance compared to raw ones. |
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The Texas Ostrich Egg, Master Chainsaw Massacre Cook Off. With Gordon Ratschit. 7.30 Tomorrow night on TV! |
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The '61 surely - see link |
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