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E.Z. Watch Superhero Movie
Shot of giant arm with wristwatch rises in front of the screen every 10 minutes to show you how much longer until movie is over. | |
Today's superhero movies can cause arm fatigue by one
having to look at their watch constantly to see
when this piece of crap will be over.
Not any longer.
"Super Hero Marvel vs D.C. All Star Team Final End Game
Reboot Part 6" will feature a projected arm with a
wristwatch
that will rise
up to the center of the screen every ten
minutes to show you how much longer you'll need to
endure this hack piece of Hollywood garbage.
Say goodbye to cramping and soreness arising from
having
to look at your watch constantly through the next hack,
unoriginal 70 year old comic book turd reboot.
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Or you can walk out the FIRST time you check the time, demand your money back: "False advertising! Billed as a 'movie', it was discovered to be a form of recycling/garbage/dreck. I already pay taxes for garbage removal, I'm not paying for yours too" |
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I love movies and hoped that Hollywood might
someday
get back to risky artistic endevors, but I heard that
this
latest movie (which to be fair, I haven't seen, but
have heard scathing reviews from trustworthy
sources) made
a
billion dollars in one weekend so superhero movies
are
here to stay. |
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My hope is that somebody creative will come along
and do
something original with the genre that's worth
watching. I
know brilliant people in the past have navigated
the
Hollywood money game rules successfully. |
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Gene Roddenberry, one of my heroes, wrote
screenplays
for western TV shows, a genre that was formulaic
to say
the
least. He had an idea for a TV show set in the
future that
obliquely addressed social issues in a non preachy
or
condescending manner with positive messages and
a
philosophy of overcoming hardship with grit,
creativity
and competence. |
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Of course he was smart enough to not say any of
that to
the knuckleheads in Hollywood who green lit TV
shows
like Gilligan's Island. He sold it as "Wagon Train To
The
Stars.". |
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Dumbed down for the little Hollywood minds to
comprehend, I guarantee he brought in numbers to
sell
the idea. "Gun Smoke mades X millions per season,
this
will be the same thing but they'll be shooting laser
guns
at aliens instead of rifles at stage coach robbers." |
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Even then they let the show run only three seasons
before
cancelling it for some un-known god awful piece of
junk,
but it got enough of a run to start the longest
running sci
fi franchise in history. |
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If anybody knows what show replaced Star Trek I'd
be
curious to know what it was. |
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//overcoming hardship with grit, creativity and
competence.// and phasers. Don't forget the phasers. |
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Well phasers, goes without saying. The prime
directive was to not interfere with other
civilizations unless your phaser phinger got itchy.
(That's how they'd spell it if it were a thing) Photon
torpedos too. |
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Also Kirk's fearless willingness to mate with
completely different species. Forget about
diseases they might be carrying, has he done any
research into the... uh... mechanisms involved?
Green skin might not be the only differences
between a gal from Earth and one from Gamma
Hydra 7. |
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Which reminds me of a joke. Picture of a woman
sitting in bed patting a man on the back as he sits
on the edge of the bed obviously dismayed. |
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Woman: "Honey, it's OK, there's nothing wrong with
having a small penis." |
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Man: "Yea, but I'd prefer it if you didn't have a
penis at all." |
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I am more interested in the new Firefly series,
strangely called "The Expanse". Hell of a typo. |
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The Expanse was brilliant - I'm yet to watch Firefly
- I particularly liked the social dynamics between
old-world Earthers, pragmatic Martians and the
proletariat Belters who speak in a dialect all of
their own (a kind of South-African mixed with Welsh
by the sounds of it) - stir in some space-noir and
you've got yourself a highly entertaining series. |
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There must surely be better ways for you to find out how
much of a movie is left:
1. The bottom of the screen has a progress bar;
2. The white coated assistant counts down each time they
put the drops in your eyes;
3. Zeno's paradox airhorn blasts. |
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