E-mail phone caller

Say youre at the office, and checking your work E-mail, the same instant you need to call a business associate, office lines are tied up, your cell-phone is too busy taking crack pics for family and friends, what to do? Send a special email to a particular E-mail address, that will then convert the text into a synthesized voice (using a highly scientific, highly advanced electrical voice/text & text/voice conversion device) and will call the phone number desired and relay the message. Two way communications are possible. Other possiblities: sending E-mail pictures to/from a camera/phone/scratcher reciever.