h a l f b a k e r yAssume a hemispherical cow.
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These full-width cargo pants are the perfect attire for pub crawling. The snazzy slacks look hip and feel cozy from bar to club to bar. But when the sun’s coming up and the legs are going rubbery, they’ll be there to give support and get you home.
Just pull the release cords to inflate the pants
from their gas cartridges, stiffening the legs and bringing you back to full, steady height. Envelopes inflate downwards around the shoes to cancel sway and upwards above the belt to stiffen the torso. Space suit type hinges at the hips aid walking.
Added advantage: driving with inflated legs is impossible, but be sure to blow up *before* entering a taxi.
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Annotation:
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I need to see a picture of this, besides wouldn't sailor pants be bellbottomed and ... |
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no better avoid the hello sailor joke |
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(Un-?) Fortunate side effect: keeps you upright at the bar
long after you should be in a heap on the floor. |
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Adds new meaning to the phrase "I've fallen and I can't get up..." |
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How many psi are we talking about here, FJ? Could there be dire consequences if somebody slipped a helium cartridge into the pants? I could just picture some drunken sot walking on the ceiling of his local pub, his buddies trying to throw darts at his pants to bring him down. |
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As a sailor I support this idea whole heartedly. The added security of not being able to drink and drive is great..
Though it would be necessary to deflate prior to going up the brow. Hilarity would insue if fleet week and the Macy's day parade coincided... |
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Also, might come in handy if you fall overboard unless your legs pop straight out of the water with your submerged head as a keel. Gives yet another meaning to "Thar she blows!" |
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I hope there's some sort of provision for shitting in them. (there's a reason they call it "getting shitfaced," after all...) |
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"Aaaaaarrrrr!. Ye have a woman's legs, mi'Lord!" |
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That would make for some pretty interesting dancing... |
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These sound like the MAST (Military Antishock Trousers). I imagine there must be something on the web about wearing these out to drink. Except I think they are really, really tight. Drunken sailors in tight, tight trousers...ok, I'm going to stop this train of thought right there. |
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Why aren't these readily available? You could set up business in any student town and make loads. |
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You could even make loads in the pants! |
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Never be too tired to get up and turn off the lights again? Sold. |
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