Drummer Player

Almost every young person wants to become a professional musician because they think it is easy. They all want to play Big Band like 'Moonshine Charlie and the Big Names', but what they dont understand - because they are stupid - is that playing an instrument well takes hard work and dedication. So most young people - because they are stupid and lazy - quit their dreams before they start, and grow up to take a lousy part in the job creation machine.

The Drummer Player is an invention to allow everyone, who has an IQ equal to or greater than a little fez wearing monkey, to play a part in a band. The Drummer Player is a standard drum kit with one nonstandard attribute: IT plays YOU!

The Drummer Player manual instructs the human "player" to pick up two drum sticks, hold them two and a half feet apart above ones head and then commence swinging ones arms up and down. This action is to be maintained throught the duration of a song. It also instructs the 'player' to stamp one foot.

The Dummer Player drum kit has all the various percussion instruments on rails and moves them in the path of the arm swining, foot stomping lunatic drum player according to the music program being played.

Instruments are sound deadened until the moment they should be struck to prevent mistakes.