Drive Thru Wetnurse

You're on highway 13, and all the exit to home is still another half hour away. The baby in the back seat you said you would look after while Phillip and Gloria spent the day kayaking at Deliverance Falls, won't stop crying.

'He must need his bottle', you think to yourself.

Looking across, you realise little Brad's bottle laying on the passenger seat is empty. 'What am I going to do?' you wonder, 'if only he would be quiet - I could concentrate and . . ' But there in the distance, you spy what looks like a petrol station, with a tall sign high in the air. As you get closer, you can see that on the sign are two enormous breasts squirting neon milk across the early evening sky.

As you pull in, you realise this was at some stage a petrol station, as a row of disused bowsers sit lifelessly near where you park. Sitting equally as lifelessly on a banana lounge near the doorway to the store is a large woman in a thin flowing skirt, the cigarette that dangles from her over-lipsticked lips, spills ashes onto her ample chest. When she sees you she calls out something to someone inside, and lifts herself with considerable effort up onto her bare, dirty feet.

You would be sitting there in silence, if little Brad weren't screaming uncontrollably in the back seat, as she lurches herself slowly towards you. Unbuckling him from his harness you bring him forward and cradle him in your arms, cooing softly 'don't worry, dinner is nearly here.'

Bending down she peers thru your window, 'Whadda ya got for me ..' she croaks, the cigarette still burning down, hanging pendulously from her lips. The sight of her now is quite daunting, and in consideration of what Phillip and Gloria might say if they knew you had stopped at a Drive -Thru Wetnurse for little Brad, you only wind the window down half way.

The middle-aged woman leans forward, and with two quick movements, removes an enormous breast from her dress and stuffs it through the opening in the window, to reveal her large pink nipple to little Brad. Holding him up so he can feed properly, for once there is silence again - save for a gentle slurping, and the deep inhalations as the woman finishes her cigarette.

'Where's the mother?' she bellows, shooting you a strange one eyed stare through the window.

'Sh-she's kayaking at D-deliverance falls' you stammer, hoping silently for little Brad to hurry up.

'Deliverance?' she grunts, 'lot's a people get lost up in them falls.' Satiated little Brad finishes up with a cough and a splutter, and the woman reclaims her saddlebag.

'20 bucks', she croaks holding her hand open thru the window. You give it across, and return the baby into his harness.

'If they don't return,' she adds, laughing now through a toothless, decayed smile, 'I might be seein' you again reeeal soon. ha hah hahaha!.'

As you drive away as quickly as you can, you vow never to speak of this experience again.