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Now that plastic straws are thankfully largely a thing of
the past, several alternatives have taken their place.
One alternative is a sort of telescopic metal tube that
comes complete with a wire brush to clean it after use,
all carried around in a special container.
This seems like an elaborate
arrangement for such a
basic task, so I have decided to add another function to
the straw to more fully justify its existence. The extra
function here is that of a tin whistle.
In order to use your metal straw as a whistle, you grip it
at one end then twist it a half rotation in an
anticlockwise direction. This action reveals a set of
finger holes along one side that were previously covered
by the protective water-tight rotating sleeve
arrangement. You then screw on the reed end that
comes in the container and you're all set to begin playing
your diminutive tin whistle.
The tin whistle is a very basic musical device at the best
of times, but being extremely narrow results in the
generation of a distinctive sound unique to the
instrument. Restaurants are encouraged to provide free
drinks for those who's playing is adept enough to
entertain the other customers (on request).
[link]
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I suspect that this would be annoyingly high-pitched unless
inconveniently long. |
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Connect it to a bag for extra fun |
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Not just bagpipes, but extremely high-pitched bagpipes -
what's not to like? |
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A randomly chosen length given with each drink. Collect the whole bagpipe! |
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// annoyingly high-pitched .... bagpipes // |
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Instead of a reed, why not have a sharp point so you can stab your own eardrums ? |
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[-] ghastly high-pitched amateur noise-making. |
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Perfect for you then to harmonise with and make a
little orchestra. Ha |
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If it had sprung-closed keys instead of open fingerholes, then it could be used as a straw without needing the sealing mechanism described. Also the keys could be actuated by long shafts, meaning the pipe could be made arbitrarily long (open finger hole whistles are length restricted by human finger spread limits). |
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This would require a nonstandard fingering |
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There is an upper length limit given by atmospheric pressure and drink density for straw use, but a contrabass pipe longer than that could have an angled foot joint to allow diagonal suctioning. |
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//Perfect for you then to harmonise with// Ah, *now* it
makes sense - a harmonising swarm, of course. |
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We've never tried singing Barbershop. |
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Be afraid. Be very afraid. |
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<Downloads lyrics for "In The Good Ol' Summer Time/> |
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