h a l f b a k e r yNot just a think tank. An entire army of think.
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You and your intrepid band of adventurers come upon the gates. The thick post, beam, and wrought iron portcullis that is the threshold of “MEDIEVAL WORLD”. The punch card you purchased outside entitles you to one ride or ticket on each of the parks entertainments for the day.
Your group
strides purposefully alongside the jousting, and weapons demonstration enclosure, briefly glancing at the trebuchet and catapult target ranges.
Passing "The Gauntlet", you come to the “Storming of the Keep” and see fellow participants battling fiercely. Fake blood paintball tipped arrowheads flying, magnetically clinging to breastplate and helmet drawing your attention. Bodies plummet from the heights to the air bags concealed in the mote. The blood on impact swords and axes hacking and slashing along the parapets have you are momentarily tempted to abandon your quest, and charge into the fray.
But no, you turn resolutely back towards your original destination.
“Dragons Lair”
As your group fills out the extensive liability wavers, and get fitted with your flame retardant armor and weapons, a chill runs the length of your back. In the forefront of your mind you know that it is only a twelve foot animatronic dragon. That its thirteen inch blood releasing talons are nothing more than foam rubber, that its teeth and spiked tail are all controlled by hydraulic rams and electric motors, the puppeteers carefully hidden from view.
But, nearing the cave, adrenaline surges through your body and it becomes harder to convince yourself of the falseness of the illusion.
Fire erupts from the throat of the beast and you can see it fully for the first time in the gloom of its den, faux scales gleaming crimson. The heat from its breath blasts over you, driven by a single beat of its mighty wings.
Blood sprays from the ink sacs contained beneath the dragon’s foam rubber skin as an arrow from your bow finds its mark and the first of your party to fall is engulfed in dragon fire.
You don’t clearly recall the details of your battle from that point on, but it has been filmed and edited together from eight different camera angles around the cave, and you receive your copy as you leave the park at the end of the day.
You can’t wait to get home and see just how you managed to slay the creature and loot its most prized possession, a free pass to “MEDIEVAL WORLD”.
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And you thought Disney World tickets were expensive, wait to you see the price tag on this one! <grin> |
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Can I be the rescued maiden?
You have maidens, don't you?
And lunch? |
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You can't be the rescued maiden *and* the lunch, [pluter]. Leave some roles for the rest of us. |
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Hokay, I think I'll be going off the the mall... |
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I would love to see this, however I probably wouldn't be able to bring myself to potentially damaging it. Would be great to be eaten by it though. |
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There aren't enough dragons, ogres, trolls etc for us knights in shining armour. How are we meant to save the day (and the girl) if they don't need us? Thats why this gets my vote (+).
Now,
"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair -
No, no! I didn't mean it like that, your hair is nice up too! I am *not* always trying to tell you what to do..." |
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Why not use a real dragon? I mean, if it's going to be breathing hot fire on people, you may as well give it proper spikes and hard scaly flesh. |
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Standing over the vanguished dragon you feel relief and elation but then, vaguely, through the smoke you can see a tall figure dressed in black. He emerges through the cloud and stands there, a hawk-eyed cowboy. The plastic skin on his face half burnt away to reveal the sputtering circuits beneath. He looks straight at you and, in a cold, icy voice calls you out. "Draw!". Your eyes are drawn to where his hand hovers over a holstered gun and then you look at the sword in your own hand. Then back to the cowboys gun. Then to your sword again. (to be continued) |
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//(to be continued)//
[DrBob] ...of course, the robots have malfunctioned, and the gunslinger droids of neighboring WestWorld have gone on the rampage in MedevialWorld. But you, not realizing this, now swinging your sword clumsily, advance on the cowboy, remembering the words from the instruction video -- "you cannot be harmed"...(to be continued) |
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If you encounter the animatronic Johnny Thunders who's accidentally stumbled out of neighboring Snarfy World, please do not give him any money. He will spend it on drugs and ruin tonight's show. |
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He was the first to be eaten. |
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Dragon: "ROARRRRRRRRrrrrrrr" |
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(Blows huge jet of flame, stamps huge claws) |
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8th of 7: "I have you know, SkyFlyer !". |
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<draws light sabre from belt> |
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"BZZZZZSSSSSZzzzzzssssssssss..........zzzzzZZZZzzzzssssss........" |
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Brilliant. Sign me up for a ticket. My three year old son would absolutely love this too. Can there be a toned down version for under 10s?
And hey, why stop at just fighting a dragon? I can see annual updates to the attraction to keep us punters coming back for more -
"New this year - fight past the Dungeon of the Trolls before you get to the castle, save the maiden in distress and solve the riddles to kille the Wicked Witch. Take time out between pahses to get a bite to eat at the new Medieveal McBanquet - 7 courses of various roast game, blackbird pies and lemon possett all served in a rough flour loaf with special sauce. Grab a Mead or an Olde Ale flavoured soda and jump back ready to fight off those fantasy figures.
Special Announcement: Look out next year for our special "Fairy Tale Evenings" - you too can re-enact a favourite tale from start to finish. Choose from: Sleeping Beauty, Jack the Giant Killer (seven league boots supplied) or Sinbad (and experience our simulated priate ship). Or create your own on a one of our tailored corporate events. Visit us at www.swashandbuckle.com. |
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This would be a lot better than just drinking mead and eating steak on a steak all day, like your average renaissance faire. But the hot women who work there have to stop making sheep sex jokes about me, just because I look scottish. Whats with that? |
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The kilt's ok, you just gotta lose the rubber boots and velcro mitts. |
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Why on Earth would looking Scottish be a bad thing? It didn't do Mel Gibson any harm (or me for that matter). In any case, just shrug shoulders and retort with - "Honey, you're just jealous of the sheep.". |
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Do I get to taunt it back and forth with riddles of hobbit-lore? |
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Next up, Jurassic Park... |
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Can it start with a sign that reads 'Proving Grounds of the Mad Overlord?' |
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Only if you'll be in charge of PR. |
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