h a l f b a k e r yTastes richer, less filling.
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The first thing that you may notice, as you enter this DVD store, is that the walls, floor and ceiling are painted entirely black. At a designated position, a sales assistant sits, behind a counter also painted entirely black - though his or her demeanour, as per staff training, is one of despair and/or
ineptitude.
In sections along the floor, different areas have been designated by way way of white paint - applied loosely with a 4 inch paintbrush. The first area in a large rectangle is marked out with the word 'DRAMA'. If you are interested in this type of film, it is suggested that you stand within this rectangle and wait for instructions from the sales assistant.
Areas are then marked off individually with the same treatment of white boundaries, with descriptive title - 'COMEDY', 'ACTION', 'TENNIS' etc.
As you are waiting in your preferred rectangle/square/rhomboid you may glance around at the other folk in the squares that they have chosen. Conversely, you may also stare attentively at those within your section - but conversation is strictly forbidden.
When everyone has chosen their sections, the person behind the counter raises a large cow bell and sounds it in a loud and sudden fashion. They then choose a DVD from beneath the counter and read out its title and synopsis on the back in a clear voice.
The first person to put up there hand may rent it, but if it is classified in a section outside of their own section then they are beaten by any or all patrons with rolled up newspapers and/or electrical cables etc.
If anyone should object, the sales staff may simply advise them that 'there is only one DVD store in Dogville, and if you don't like it, then you may leave.'
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Can I just stand and watch? |
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(asking tentively, cowering away from grimacing people with electrical cords) For movies that are hard to label (i.e. a dromedy) can they be in a section that covers both genres in gray paint instead of white? (asking tentively, cowering away from grimacing people with electrical cords) |
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Hmm. I bet they'll start hogtying people and someone's gonna wind up dead somewhere in Idaho, but nobody liked him much anyway, so [+] |
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Is there a punishment for talking to your other square-members? |
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If you are noticed speaking to other square members, you will be taken to the end of the DVD roll call, and may very well end up renting any number of Tony Danza relics. |
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I went to the DVD store with a heart full of hope, and left with darkness in my eyes and chalk on my feet. The rain washed away the chalk but I find myself increasingly suspicious of the birds which populate the park near my house. My reflection in their impassive eyes hides thoughts more evil than I care to comprehend. Subsequent encouters with others are filled with uneasy anticipation, but my hands are steadier than they've ever been. |
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I know what I have to do. |
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I think I know which section you often stand in - though you won't catch me speaking to you. |
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A place like this would even have comedy? Dark, hopeless bun. |
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//can they be in a section that covers both genres in gray paint instead of white?//
Hmm. This raises the terrifying spectre of classification assessment judgement calls, which would almost definitely be carried out on a mob-rule basis. |
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Will you all just shut the fuck up? It's a drama OK. It's a drama because it says so on the box. It's a fucking drama, so stop arguing you arseholes! OK right, we're closed now so you can all just leave. Go on. Leave. All of you. |
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yeah, but we'se got mob-rule. |
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// his or her demeanour, as per staff training, is one of despair and/or ineptitude// Apart from the colour-scheme, so far this sounds just like Blockbuster. |
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When sleepy backwater stores have little in the way of variation in stock and or services, they quickly become 'Dogville Stores'. Where I am currently living, here in the country - the Dogville chain has taken over nearly all parts of the town. Upon entering these shops everything is painted completely black with accompanying directional markers in the supermarket, butcher, newsagent - even the doctor's office. Others don't see it this way, but it makes it much more entertaining. |
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