h a l f b a k e r ycarpe demi
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The only way to get people back to theaters in the future is to show them TV! And this means to let them binge watch an entire season, and this will take all day.
Therefore we must accommodate people who may need to attend to their uppers and nethers during this time.
Theaters are therefore constructed
over a food court complex, complete with a large set of bathroom stalls.
Each seat in the theater is a simplified elevator. Upon wishing to do some business, the passenger (seatenger?) simply pushes 'descend' -- and the cinema is thus evacuated by one.
Below, the moviegoer can sprint to the toilets, buy some beer, grab a burger, and then race back to the dropped elevator seat, while dodging newly descending seats, and where with a simple push of the 'ascend' button, quietly and discretely re-populates the movie hall by one.
This also works a treat if there is a fire, for as we know smoke rises; or, what could be worse - intermittent advertisements. As it will be all TV in the future.
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Annotation:
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I'd like to see this used to gauge audience interest. When the scene comes on with a car chase or other cliche, the whole audience sinks into the floor to deal with their uh... nethers. [+] |
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How about individual, per-seat screens that would let each patron choose his own series and pause when he needs to tinkle? They could be in little sound-segregated booths. The patron could also have food and drink delivered to his booth. Ooh, better yet make each booth seat optionally a toilet seat. |
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Or just plumb the audience in, a couple of tubes built into the seat which attach firmly to the grollies to take away waste, and a tube clamped to the mouth which provides a steady flow of pulverised burger mixed with beer. |
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No, no, as appealing as applying tubes to solve the problem is, this is about evacuating the cinema NOT evacuating people! |
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Why do I have to go home? Can't you just plug me in now and detach me when I'm dead? There's a "work from booth" option right? |
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This will be a great improvement on concrete exit seats. |
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